WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A bunch of Wilco, since a friend is trying to get me into the band. Plus I just burned a CD with a whole bunch of tunes from the wonderful film "Once" on it.
WHAT I'M READING: Found a new stash of Noam Chomsky at the downtown public library.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finishing up season nine of Seinfeld, plus viewing some films from the last year. Speaking of which....
THE 2ND ANNUAL DUNG ACADEMY AWARD PREDICTIONS:
I won't go into as much depth as last year, because I spent an hour typing out my predictions and only got like half of them correct. So here it goes, for a year in which I've seen virtually nothing, my Oscar guesses for the big ceremony tomorrow night:
1. MAKE-UP: Well, it sure as hell won't be Norbit. Pirates was more visually stunning than make-up-esque, so I'm going with La Vie en Rose.
2. ORIGINAL SONG: I think the Enchanted three will cancel each other out, and I hope they do. The only real award I truly have a major rooting interest in, because Falling Slowly from the exceptional film Once is deserving. An awesome tune, and I'm hoping Irglova and Hansard perform it live. Really a beautiful tune.
3. ORIGINAL SCORE: No clue. Ain't heard any of them. But, I stick to my theory that the Academy likes to reward all Best Picture nominees with one actual win, so I'll guess Atonement.
4. SOUND EDITING: Who ever knows this one? I'll just guess The Transformers.
5. SOUND MIXING: Again, what's the real difference? I don't think any academy voters know either, so they'll just go with The Transformers again.
6. FILM EDITING: Well, it usually matches well with the top prize, so I'll go with No Country for Old Men, although There Will Be Blood could have a shot.
7. COSTUME DESIGN: Can they ignore Elizabeth: The Golden Age? Me thinks not, though Atonement and Sweeney Todd could be in the running.
8. ART DIRECTION: Sweeney Todd for no good reason.
9. LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM: Always a guess, and I think I'm almost always wrong. Just for picking's sake, I'll say Il Supplente (The Substitute).
10. ANIMATED SHORT FILM: I Met the Walrus because I heard it's got something to do with John Lennon, whom everybody loves. Also, everybody has heard of him, so he's got a leg up with the voters.
11. VISUAL EFFECTS: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End was pretty darn cool looking, and I can't see them wanting to have "Three Time Oscar winner The Transformers" on their conscious.
12. ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Although PTA might have an outsiders shot, this is really Ethan & Joel Coen's award to lose at this point, for No Country for Old Men.
13. ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: As much as they love her, how could they not honor Diablo Cody for the Juno script? Plus, it keeps in line with my theory of every Best Picture nominee getting at least one award.
14. CINEMATOGRAPHY: I keep hearing great things about this tracking shot for Atonement, but I'm gonna take a gamble on There Will Be Blood, for no good reason.
15. FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: Haven't really heard anything except that one is about the Holocaust, which the Academy loves to honor, so I'm going with the Austrian film The Counterfeiters.
16. ANIMATED FEATURE: Can't do grown up, and I've got to hope and pray that the penguin love affair is over, so me goes with Ratatouille.
17. DOCUMENTARY SHORT: No clue. Maybe Salim Baba.
18. DOCUMENTARY FEATURE: Actually, I was incorrect. I'm rooting in this one also. No End in Sight is a helluva brilliant film, and deserving of this award.
19. SUPPORTING ACTRESS: This one is giving me trouble. On one hand, can they resist honoring the elderly Ruby Dee, who is in her eighties? On the other, Amy Ryan seems to be popular. It would be so much easier if Cate Blanchett hadn't just won it a few years back, as she would be a lock. But sticking to my theory of all Best Picture nominees winning something, I'm guessing Tilda Swinton in Michael Clayton. My heart still says giving an award to an old person could happen though, even if she's only in the film for five minutes. Ask Alan Arkin last year.
20. SUPPORTING ACTOR: Seems an easy guess. Javier Bardem in No Country for Old Men. If there is a big upset, this will be it though, with Holbrook getting the old vote.
21. ACTRESS: Julie Christie in Away from Her is the smart money bet, but the love of Juno could pull it out for Ellen Page.
22. ACTOR: Daniel Day-Lewis in There Will Be Blood seems as close to certain as anything this year.
23. DIRECTOR: While I'm hoping for a PTA upset, you have to like the odds of Ethan & Joel Coen for No Country for Old Men being only the second pair to win the top directing prize.
24. BEST PICTURE: No Country for Old Men seems a shoe-in here. Maybe people get sick of it and vote for There Will Be Blood, but I don't see the upset this year. The last two major upsets in this category won't work this time, as the actors like No Country (ala Shakespeare in Love over Private Ryan) and it doesn't have the gay theme to scare off voters (ala Crash over Brokeback).
We'll find out tomorrow how right I am. Should be fun, as this will be my seventeenth year in a row of watching the Oscars.
Be Seeing You.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Back from the Dead
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: I made another CD to facilitate my next writing project. Features a variety of tunes from Southern Culture on the Skids, Death Cab for Cutie, Beth Orton, and others. Also, some Dave Matthews.
WHAT I'M READING: Just finished FourFourTwo. Up next is P.J. O'Rourke's "Peace Kills".
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Soccer, baby! Watched some English and Dutch league this weekend, got a game from the second tier of English football on today. Also, watched the Halloween remake and 2001 this past weekend.
HADN'T posted in awhile, so thought I'd put down a quick one. Some random thoughts as I spend the day recovering from a major illness on Sunday.
1. DC United starts training camp today with many new faces from South America joining the club this year. The biggest name is playmaker Marcello Gallardo. His arrival means 2006 MVP Christian Gomez is moving on. I like Gomez, but he's asking for an awful lot of money and two guaranteed years. He might be worth the bucks this season, but I doubt he'll be up to par next year. With the start of camp, the MLS season is just around the corner.
2. Number One Son has finally mastered the potty training. He now can poop and pee in the potty all the time. It was a challenge getting him here, but he's done it, and we're proud of him. He's a wonderful little guy.
3. The baby is starting to reach out and grab things, which is also very cool. He doesn't know what to do with them once he gets them, but he can get them. He's also smiling a lot now, which is beautiful to see.
4. My wife starts a new job next week. Proud of her too. She had an interview a few weeks back at around noon. By two o'clock, they had called her back and offered her the job. She smashed it out of the ballpark. More money, more benefits, and paid holidays. We're very excited here.
5. Bush and Congress want to send out money to us in May? Thanks, we'll take it. Probably put it towards some bills and the bank, but you want to give the Dung Heap money, that's cool with us. Coupled with what should be a very nice tax return this year, and we're happy.
6. Watched the Halloween remake Saturday night. I had very low expectations going in, because the original is a classic and Rob Zombie's other films suck. After fifteen minutes my fears were being confirmed. It was horrible. Than something happened. Zombie figured out how to make a good film, and the last ninety minutes were actually good. Nowhere near the original, but for a remake, this is one of the better ones. Plus, the Laurie Stroud in this one is actually better looking than Jamie Lee Curtis. I apologize to Mr. Zombie for doubting him. It's a good horror flick.
7. Also watched 2001, which we all know is the second best film ever made. Still brilliant. And to think that if Kubrick tried today, everybody would probably turn him down flat. Well, first they'd tell him he's dead, but then they'd turn him down flat. A true cinematic work of art. I love how Dave Bowman never lets anything get to him. He never panics, or gets too angry. He remains calm, with an even kelter, and just does what he must. A true badass.
8. Watched a Netflix film last week called "Forty Second Street Forever" which is a collection of trailers for exploitation flicks from the last forty years. Thanks to this film, I discovered that the worst trailer of all time is for a film called "I Dismember Mama". No matter how bad that movie is, the trailer is worse. Putrid, and doesn't really do anything to sell the flick.
9. Well, it's been six weeks since my vasectomy. That means it's time to jizz in the cup and take it in for analysis. I'm a little embarassed to do it. You have to take it in within two hours of ejaculation. So the nurse who takes it from me is going to know that I just played with myself. That's rather a private thing to be shared only with my wife and the people watching me jerk off in our front window.
10. It's an election year. Right now if I had to vote, I'd go with Obama. But we'll see who actually gets the nomination. I think McCain has got the GOP locked up, but it's a fight for the Dem slot. My only hope is that America doesn't resort to base instincts and make it "The rich white guy versus the woman" or "The rich white guy versus a black guy". We've suffered through the eight worst Presidential years ever. We need a new beginning and a better future.
That's all for now. Must go lie down and recover.
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Just finished FourFourTwo. Up next is P.J. O'Rourke's "Peace Kills".
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Soccer, baby! Watched some English and Dutch league this weekend, got a game from the second tier of English football on today. Also, watched the Halloween remake and 2001 this past weekend.
HADN'T posted in awhile, so thought I'd put down a quick one. Some random thoughts as I spend the day recovering from a major illness on Sunday.
1. DC United starts training camp today with many new faces from South America joining the club this year. The biggest name is playmaker Marcello Gallardo. His arrival means 2006 MVP Christian Gomez is moving on. I like Gomez, but he's asking for an awful lot of money and two guaranteed years. He might be worth the bucks this season, but I doubt he'll be up to par next year. With the start of camp, the MLS season is just around the corner.
2. Number One Son has finally mastered the potty training. He now can poop and pee in the potty all the time. It was a challenge getting him here, but he's done it, and we're proud of him. He's a wonderful little guy.
3. The baby is starting to reach out and grab things, which is also very cool. He doesn't know what to do with them once he gets them, but he can get them. He's also smiling a lot now, which is beautiful to see.
4. My wife starts a new job next week. Proud of her too. She had an interview a few weeks back at around noon. By two o'clock, they had called her back and offered her the job. She smashed it out of the ballpark. More money, more benefits, and paid holidays. We're very excited here.
5. Bush and Congress want to send out money to us in May? Thanks, we'll take it. Probably put it towards some bills and the bank, but you want to give the Dung Heap money, that's cool with us. Coupled with what should be a very nice tax return this year, and we're happy.
6. Watched the Halloween remake Saturday night. I had very low expectations going in, because the original is a classic and Rob Zombie's other films suck. After fifteen minutes my fears were being confirmed. It was horrible. Than something happened. Zombie figured out how to make a good film, and the last ninety minutes were actually good. Nowhere near the original, but for a remake, this is one of the better ones. Plus, the Laurie Stroud in this one is actually better looking than Jamie Lee Curtis. I apologize to Mr. Zombie for doubting him. It's a good horror flick.
7. Also watched 2001, which we all know is the second best film ever made. Still brilliant. And to think that if Kubrick tried today, everybody would probably turn him down flat. Well, first they'd tell him he's dead, but then they'd turn him down flat. A true cinematic work of art. I love how Dave Bowman never lets anything get to him. He never panics, or gets too angry. He remains calm, with an even kelter, and just does what he must. A true badass.
8. Watched a Netflix film last week called "Forty Second Street Forever" which is a collection of trailers for exploitation flicks from the last forty years. Thanks to this film, I discovered that the worst trailer of all time is for a film called "I Dismember Mama". No matter how bad that movie is, the trailer is worse. Putrid, and doesn't really do anything to sell the flick.
9. Well, it's been six weeks since my vasectomy. That means it's time to jizz in the cup and take it in for analysis. I'm a little embarassed to do it. You have to take it in within two hours of ejaculation. So the nurse who takes it from me is going to know that I just played with myself. That's rather a private thing to be shared only with my wife and the people watching me jerk off in our front window.
10. It's an election year. Right now if I had to vote, I'd go with Obama. But we'll see who actually gets the nomination. I think McCain has got the GOP locked up, but it's a fight for the Dem slot. My only hope is that America doesn't resort to base instincts and make it "The rich white guy versus the woman" or "The rich white guy versus a black guy". We've suffered through the eight worst Presidential years ever. We need a new beginning and a better future.
That's all for now. Must go lie down and recover.
Be Seeing You.
Monday, January 7, 2008
My List
BEFORE I begin, let me point out the links on the right hand side of the screen. Check 'em out. Some good stuff out there, especially my wife's blog. I'm hoping she'll soon be posting a companion piece to this list here.
Also, check out my "Wish You Were Here" blog, as it is part of project 365, in which bloggers across America gather to post one picture a day from their lives, for all 365 days of a year.
Okay, now on to the Main Event!
The following is my List. You know, the list every human keeps of five people they would sleep with if they had the chance. Any good spouse would be willing to allow them this honor, knowing deep down they shall never meet any of those five people nor have a shot at bedding them.
So here's my list (in no order)
1. Kristen Bell (hottest lady on TV right now. Plus, seems to have a great sense of humor)
2. Kelly Dalglish (Setanta Sports babe. She's blonde, British, and knows her football/soccer! That accent detailing the latest footie news from across the pond during sex would be nice)
3. Zooey Deschannel (if you've ever seen her in "All the Real Girls", you know what I'm talking here; in that film she's nearly the perfect Dung girl-next to my loverly wife of course)
4. Kate Winslet (Eternal Sunshine blue hair or not, Kate has always been great in my book; a lovely, talented woman)
5. Abe Vigoda (who said it had to be all woman?)
Okay, seriously now
5. Jewel (the singer; great voice and gorgeous looks-plus she yodels!)
Honorable Mention: Gillian Anderson in the Scully years-smart with a good sense of humor, what's not to like about Scully? Also, Keira Knightley before she dropped ninety pounds and disappeared.
So there you have it. My List. I can guarantee not a one of them would give me the time of day, but a guy can always dream.
ONE MORE HONORABLE MENTION:
Rachel Ray. A bit gabby, but she can cook. Plus, she's hot and she looks like she knows what to do in the bedroom. Teach me everyday, Rachel Ray.
Be Seeing You.
Also, check out my "Wish You Were Here" blog, as it is part of project 365, in which bloggers across America gather to post one picture a day from their lives, for all 365 days of a year.
Okay, now on to the Main Event!
The following is my List. You know, the list every human keeps of five people they would sleep with if they had the chance. Any good spouse would be willing to allow them this honor, knowing deep down they shall never meet any of those five people nor have a shot at bedding them.
So here's my list (in no order)
1. Kristen Bell (hottest lady on TV right now. Plus, seems to have a great sense of humor)
2. Kelly Dalglish (Setanta Sports babe. She's blonde, British, and knows her football/soccer! That accent detailing the latest footie news from across the pond during sex would be nice)
3. Zooey Deschannel (if you've ever seen her in "All the Real Girls", you know what I'm talking here; in that film she's nearly the perfect Dung girl-next to my loverly wife of course)
4. Kate Winslet (Eternal Sunshine blue hair or not, Kate has always been great in my book; a lovely, talented woman)
5. Abe Vigoda (who said it had to be all woman?)
Okay, seriously now
5. Jewel (the singer; great voice and gorgeous looks-plus she yodels!)
Honorable Mention: Gillian Anderson in the Scully years-smart with a good sense of humor, what's not to like about Scully? Also, Keira Knightley before she dropped ninety pounds and disappeared.
So there you have it. My List. I can guarantee not a one of them would give me the time of day, but a guy can always dream.
ONE MORE HONORABLE MENTION:
Rachel Ray. A bit gabby, but she can cook. Plus, she's hot and she looks like she knows what to do in the bedroom. Teach me everyday, Rachel Ray.
Be Seeing You.
Grindhouse? More Like Outhouse!
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Some Dave Matthews "Crash into Me" to remind me of first meeting my Kimbers eight years ago. Plus, Greg Laswell's version of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun". If you haven't heard it, go search it out now. It's achingly beautiful.
WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Just finished MajorLeagueSoccer issue three. Library time.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, Twin Peaks season two shall be finished this week. Some Spanish LaLiga football from the weekend, and more below.
OKAY, so I like cheesy films some times. Shoot me. The excellent 2007 film "Grindhouse" inspired me to look some up, and Netflix obliged by having something called "The Grindhouse Experience Volume Two". So I quied up the DVD and it came last week. Awesomely cheesy shit! There was two Italian made sword-and-sandal epics from the 1960's that I skipped. But the flip side had the goods (or bads, or bad goods): The 1983 stink bomb called "Stryker" and the 1983 turd named "Atlantis Interceptors".
Stryker is one of those truly horrendous movies that you can't help but smile through. Filmed in some desert, it's a post-apocalyptic tale of a world without water. In the beginning, this woman is being chased by the poorly attired villains. Immediately, it raises the question of why everybody dresses like rejects from Loverboy in the post-apocalyptic world. But I, like the script, digress. They capture the woman, who has some water on her. They are about to beat the location out of her when our hero Stryker shows up with expert marksmanship and a leather vest and cowboy hat with spandex pants. He's a man of few words, probably because that would require acting ability. He saves her, of course, before losing her back to the baddies. I wondered at first why he bothered wearing his cowboy hat. Later on, when I saw what the humid desert did to his big, bushy curly permed hair, I wondered no more. In his quest to save the girl, Stryker and his ally wind up with a group of survivors. It is here that the touching love story unfolds between one of the babes and Stryker's ally. I call him Stryker's ally, because until the last minute of the movie they never bother to give him a damn name. And when I type "love story" I really mean they stare at each other a few times before kissing, than he runs to hold her in the end when she's been shot. Right now, I can't recall him having any lines. Probably for good reason. My favorite character was the bad guy's evil henchman. Normally, these are badass, intimidating types. Not in "Stryker", kiddies. He's tall all right. He also has arms scrawnier than my three year old and a gut bigger than a pregnant woman. Couple that with spindly legs that couldn't hold up a card table, and you've got quite the sight. My next favorite characters were a group of midgets who followed Stryker for no real reason. Like some kind of post-apocalyptic Oompa Loompas. They spoke an odd language, but it didn't really seem to matter, because Stryker never seemed to acknowledge them.
Atlantis Interceptors made even less sense. These two heroes repeat inane dialogue for the first fifteen minutes before a group of scientists somehow raise Atlantis. It wipes out the population, save for our heroes. Than the Atlantans proceed to hunt them down. I couldn't figure out why the Atlantans had a variety of weapons, ranging from swords to arrows to shotguns. But who am I to question the historical accuracy of this cinematic masterpiece? I also couldn't figure out why the head villain was driven around in a classic car, but again, what do I know about Atlantis?
Both times through protracted and poorly acted battles featuring horrifically bad special effects, the heroes won the day.
I can't wait to get disc two in the mail!
WEATHER UPDATE: Last time, I mentioned the snow fall over New Years. Turned out the final tally for the three days was over fifteen inches. Have no fear faithful reader(s?), it was a gorgeous sixty-five degrees today, and all fifteen inches are gone. There is no truth to the rumor that I used the Manaconda to measure how deep the snow was.
That's all for now. Stay tuned for a short posting soon.
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Just finished MajorLeagueSoccer issue three. Library time.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, Twin Peaks season two shall be finished this week. Some Spanish LaLiga football from the weekend, and more below.
OKAY, so I like cheesy films some times. Shoot me. The excellent 2007 film "Grindhouse" inspired me to look some up, and Netflix obliged by having something called "The Grindhouse Experience Volume Two". So I quied up the DVD and it came last week. Awesomely cheesy shit! There was two Italian made sword-and-sandal epics from the 1960's that I skipped. But the flip side had the goods (or bads, or bad goods): The 1983 stink bomb called "Stryker" and the 1983 turd named "Atlantis Interceptors".
Stryker is one of those truly horrendous movies that you can't help but smile through. Filmed in some desert, it's a post-apocalyptic tale of a world without water. In the beginning, this woman is being chased by the poorly attired villains. Immediately, it raises the question of why everybody dresses like rejects from Loverboy in the post-apocalyptic world. But I, like the script, digress. They capture the woman, who has some water on her. They are about to beat the location out of her when our hero Stryker shows up with expert marksmanship and a leather vest and cowboy hat with spandex pants. He's a man of few words, probably because that would require acting ability. He saves her, of course, before losing her back to the baddies. I wondered at first why he bothered wearing his cowboy hat. Later on, when I saw what the humid desert did to his big, bushy curly permed hair, I wondered no more. In his quest to save the girl, Stryker and his ally wind up with a group of survivors. It is here that the touching love story unfolds between one of the babes and Stryker's ally. I call him Stryker's ally, because until the last minute of the movie they never bother to give him a damn name. And when I type "love story" I really mean they stare at each other a few times before kissing, than he runs to hold her in the end when she's been shot. Right now, I can't recall him having any lines. Probably for good reason. My favorite character was the bad guy's evil henchman. Normally, these are badass, intimidating types. Not in "Stryker", kiddies. He's tall all right. He also has arms scrawnier than my three year old and a gut bigger than a pregnant woman. Couple that with spindly legs that couldn't hold up a card table, and you've got quite the sight. My next favorite characters were a group of midgets who followed Stryker for no real reason. Like some kind of post-apocalyptic Oompa Loompas. They spoke an odd language, but it didn't really seem to matter, because Stryker never seemed to acknowledge them.
Atlantis Interceptors made even less sense. These two heroes repeat inane dialogue for the first fifteen minutes before a group of scientists somehow raise Atlantis. It wipes out the population, save for our heroes. Than the Atlantans proceed to hunt them down. I couldn't figure out why the Atlantans had a variety of weapons, ranging from swords to arrows to shotguns. But who am I to question the historical accuracy of this cinematic masterpiece? I also couldn't figure out why the head villain was driven around in a classic car, but again, what do I know about Atlantis?
Both times through protracted and poorly acted battles featuring horrifically bad special effects, the heroes won the day.
I can't wait to get disc two in the mail!
WEATHER UPDATE: Last time, I mentioned the snow fall over New Years. Turned out the final tally for the three days was over fifteen inches. Have no fear faithful reader(s?), it was a gorgeous sixty-five degrees today, and all fifteen inches are gone. There is no truth to the rumor that I used the Manaconda to measure how deep the snow was.
That's all for now. Stay tuned for a short posting soon.
Be Seeing You.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The Most Expensive Oil Change Ever (and other reasons 2007 kinda sucked)
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A mixture. Quite a bit of Pete Yorn's debut album (cos it already is). Also, some Barenaked Ladies, because ole Steve can scream more melodically in "Break Your Heart" than I can sing. And, a bit of the old Sarah McLachlan, because I loves me some Canadians.
WHAT I'M READING: Made it through the local library's batch of Noam Chomsky. Read the most recent issue of Champions Magazine (the official mag of the Champions League) thanks in large part to a gift card for Borders I got for Christmas (can't spend nine bucks of my own money on one magazine, but will gladly spend somebody elses). Currently reading "Bill of Wrongs" by the late Molly Ivins. Up next is issue three of MajorLeagueSoccer Magazine.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finally did it. Got to watch all ten English Premier League games from this past weekend. In the past, I've had a shot at watching all ten games but something happened. A result got ruined before viewing. A game didn't record. This time, I did it. And I'm a better man for it. Up next, keeping plugging through Twin Peaks Season Two. Also, Netflix is sending me something called "Grindhouse Experience Disc 2" with cheap b-movies from the 1970's & 1980's.
DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU 2007:
Well, 2007 is finally over. It wasn't a truly horrible year, as we did have our little Sullivan and I had my balls cut open without pain. But 2007 was not a good year here at the Dung Heap. Every time we got a bit ahead, something would bite us in the arse. The final week was no different.
Last Thursday I went to my local Firestone for a routine oil change. I drive a lot for work, so my car was roughly 22,000 miles overdue for it. Got the car in quickly, and by 9:30 in the A.M. I'm sitting in the waiting room reading my Champions Magazine without a care in the world. Get the oil change, head home, and steam clean me some carpet. I live on the edge, bitches!
A normal oil change would cost me about twenty bucks. By the time I drove my car home that day, I had forked over $1376.31.
That's right. ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX DOLLARS AND THIRTY-ONE CENTS.
See, my little car needed some additional work. Such as, you ask? Well, here's a little list.
1. Oil Change
2. Ball joints (both lower front)-this was over three hundred dollars, which is still cheaper than the last time somebody worked over my ball joints (entendre alert! entendre alert!)
3. Lifetime alignment at about $150. Now, I'm no expert. I could notice that my car's alignment was off simply because whenever I let go of the wheel whilst driving, I'd make a right turn. But a lifetime alignment is one of those things that the mechanic mentions and I just nod along with so I don't seem like a jerkass.
4. Struts at over six hundred bills. I can strut for the cost of one embarrassed look of my wife, but these bad boys hurt the wallet.
5. Two new tires for the back o' the car at a tad over $130. Good deal actually. A few weeks back whilst working in Goshen, I got a flat on my front driver tire. I had to have that replaced, seeing as I was sixty miles from home without a friend in the world. I got both front tires replaced that day, since the other one was flatter than a girl in kindergarten. I knew the back tires would need replacing soon, as there was more rubber in my gloves than on the tire.
6. Labor of almost $500. Can't complain about that, as the ten minute oil change turned into a six hour workday on my Mercury Tracer for the guy.
All told, not the best news to get two days after Christmas. We're by no means rich, so a $1376.31 oil change hurts the bank account a bit. Not to mention just having got two new front tires weeks ago, and having to replace both my headlights last week (as they both went out in the span of a day-driving to work before dawn with no lights is fun, kids!)
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! 2007 wasn't done whuppin' my pasty white ass. Saturday night I suddenly, out of nowhere, got the shits. The runny shits. The squirty, runny shits. The "painting the toilet brown" squirty runny shits. I wasn't too concerned, as usually they last about a day before letting my buttocks rest. Four days later, I was still rushing to the toilet every ten to fifteen minutes hoping to get it in the bowl and not in my pants. Especially since we're working on potty training Jude, and Daddy is always bragging how big boys don't poop their pants.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S STILL MORE! 2007 wanted one last laugh. So on New Year's Eve we got hit with a winter storm that dumped at least eight inches of snow on the ground. January 1st I began the year by getting out the snow thrower. Unfortunately for me, my best little friend doesn't work if the snow is that high. It just keeps clogging up the throw chute, meaning that I get to stop every foot (literally) and push a massive cylinder of snow out before moving. Eventually, I gave in and shoveled for the first time since 2005. I quickly remembered why I bought the snow thrower, as the shoveling of my walks, the neighbors walk, and the two driveways hurt the old back. Luckily for me (sarcasm intended) we got another two to three inches during the day, so I was back out there before dinner throwing snow again. This time, the thrower worked and I was done in a matter of minutes. It took about 90 minutes the first time by hand. I was laughing maniacally and singing out loud the praises of snow throwers as the white shit flew out that chute (and into my face).
So 2007 is truly over now, and life will get better. In 2008 my wife and I will celebrate eight years of knowing each other, seven years of marriage, Jude's fourth birthday, Sullivan's first, and our thirty-fourth.
There will be some great footballing moments as Manchester United chase EPL title number ten and DC United chase MLS crown number five. Euro 2008 is on this summer, and all games are live on the ESPN channels. Plus the USA begins qualifying for World Cup 2010.
It should be a fun year.
CHRISTMAS was good here. A lot of traveling over the three days, but we spent quality time with family and got a lot of cool gifts. My faves include: 2007 Man United home jersey, Worldwide Soccer Manager 2008 PC game, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season One DVD set, Honeymooners Complete Series DVD set, Blade Runner: The Final Cut DVD, The Simpsons Movie DVD, some clothes, and gift cards. Happy was I.
So enough whining about last year, and Dung is looking forward to this year. I'll leave you with some words from Jude's mouth.
After I explained that Mommy and Daddy got married because we love each other, Jude looked up at me and asked, "Can I marry you Daddy? I love you."
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Made it through the local library's batch of Noam Chomsky. Read the most recent issue of Champions Magazine (the official mag of the Champions League) thanks in large part to a gift card for Borders I got for Christmas (can't spend nine bucks of my own money on one magazine, but will gladly spend somebody elses). Currently reading "Bill of Wrongs" by the late Molly Ivins. Up next is issue three of MajorLeagueSoccer Magazine.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finally did it. Got to watch all ten English Premier League games from this past weekend. In the past, I've had a shot at watching all ten games but something happened. A result got ruined before viewing. A game didn't record. This time, I did it. And I'm a better man for it. Up next, keeping plugging through Twin Peaks Season Two. Also, Netflix is sending me something called "Grindhouse Experience Disc 2" with cheap b-movies from the 1970's & 1980's.
DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU 2007:
Well, 2007 is finally over. It wasn't a truly horrible year, as we did have our little Sullivan and I had my balls cut open without pain. But 2007 was not a good year here at the Dung Heap. Every time we got a bit ahead, something would bite us in the arse. The final week was no different.
Last Thursday I went to my local Firestone for a routine oil change. I drive a lot for work, so my car was roughly 22,000 miles overdue for it. Got the car in quickly, and by 9:30 in the A.M. I'm sitting in the waiting room reading my Champions Magazine without a care in the world. Get the oil change, head home, and steam clean me some carpet. I live on the edge, bitches!
A normal oil change would cost me about twenty bucks. By the time I drove my car home that day, I had forked over $1376.31.
That's right. ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX DOLLARS AND THIRTY-ONE CENTS.
See, my little car needed some additional work. Such as, you ask? Well, here's a little list.
1. Oil Change
2. Ball joints (both lower front)-this was over three hundred dollars, which is still cheaper than the last time somebody worked over my ball joints (entendre alert! entendre alert!)
3. Lifetime alignment at about $150. Now, I'm no expert. I could notice that my car's alignment was off simply because whenever I let go of the wheel whilst driving, I'd make a right turn. But a lifetime alignment is one of those things that the mechanic mentions and I just nod along with so I don't seem like a jerkass.
4. Struts at over six hundred bills. I can strut for the cost of one embarrassed look of my wife, but these bad boys hurt the wallet.
5. Two new tires for the back o' the car at a tad over $130. Good deal actually. A few weeks back whilst working in Goshen, I got a flat on my front driver tire. I had to have that replaced, seeing as I was sixty miles from home without a friend in the world. I got both front tires replaced that day, since the other one was flatter than a girl in kindergarten. I knew the back tires would need replacing soon, as there was more rubber in my gloves than on the tire.
6. Labor of almost $500. Can't complain about that, as the ten minute oil change turned into a six hour workday on my Mercury Tracer for the guy.
All told, not the best news to get two days after Christmas. We're by no means rich, so a $1376.31 oil change hurts the bank account a bit. Not to mention just having got two new front tires weeks ago, and having to replace both my headlights last week (as they both went out in the span of a day-driving to work before dawn with no lights is fun, kids!)
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! 2007 wasn't done whuppin' my pasty white ass. Saturday night I suddenly, out of nowhere, got the shits. The runny shits. The squirty, runny shits. The "painting the toilet brown" squirty runny shits. I wasn't too concerned, as usually they last about a day before letting my buttocks rest. Four days later, I was still rushing to the toilet every ten to fifteen minutes hoping to get it in the bowl and not in my pants. Especially since we're working on potty training Jude, and Daddy is always bragging how big boys don't poop their pants.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S STILL MORE! 2007 wanted one last laugh. So on New Year's Eve we got hit with a winter storm that dumped at least eight inches of snow on the ground. January 1st I began the year by getting out the snow thrower. Unfortunately for me, my best little friend doesn't work if the snow is that high. It just keeps clogging up the throw chute, meaning that I get to stop every foot (literally) and push a massive cylinder of snow out before moving. Eventually, I gave in and shoveled for the first time since 2005. I quickly remembered why I bought the snow thrower, as the shoveling of my walks, the neighbors walk, and the two driveways hurt the old back. Luckily for me (sarcasm intended) we got another two to three inches during the day, so I was back out there before dinner throwing snow again. This time, the thrower worked and I was done in a matter of minutes. It took about 90 minutes the first time by hand. I was laughing maniacally and singing out loud the praises of snow throwers as the white shit flew out that chute (and into my face).
So 2007 is truly over now, and life will get better. In 2008 my wife and I will celebrate eight years of knowing each other, seven years of marriage, Jude's fourth birthday, Sullivan's first, and our thirty-fourth.
There will be some great footballing moments as Manchester United chase EPL title number ten and DC United chase MLS crown number five. Euro 2008 is on this summer, and all games are live on the ESPN channels. Plus the USA begins qualifying for World Cup 2010.
It should be a fun year.
CHRISTMAS was good here. A lot of traveling over the three days, but we spent quality time with family and got a lot of cool gifts. My faves include: 2007 Man United home jersey, Worldwide Soccer Manager 2008 PC game, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season One DVD set, Honeymooners Complete Series DVD set, Blade Runner: The Final Cut DVD, The Simpsons Movie DVD, some clothes, and gift cards. Happy was I.
So enough whining about last year, and Dung is looking forward to this year. I'll leave you with some words from Jude's mouth.
After I explained that Mommy and Daddy got married because we love each other, Jude looked up at me and asked, "Can I marry you Daddy? I love you."
Be Seeing You.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Rumors of My Blog's Death, Though Extremely Hoped For, Are Greatly Exaggerated
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Still the Wiggles. Damn you to hell, catchy tunes! Also, some Sigur Ros. I like music that goes on forever in a language that no human has ever spoken sung melodically.
WHAT I'M READING: More Chomsky. I'm a Chomskyite. Plus, it's not the kind of book you can breeze through on the toilet, where I do my best reading, thinking, and work.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Football a-plenty! Plus, some MMA and some Twin Peaks Season Two.
SO here I am again, only one month since my last post. Life's busy. Two kids plus a wife and a full-time job means little time for the simple pleasures, such as bathing, shaving, and blogging.
Here's a few tidbits to give you your fill for now during this holiday season:
1. MLS Cup 2007 was an excellent game, won by Houston Dynamo. Houston becomes only the second team to ever repeat, and have a real shot at three-peating next year if they keep the team together. Good footballing squad. One of the top three best MLS Cups ever.
2. After the MLS season ended, I could no longer hold out and got my Setanta Sports channel back. Just too much awesome footie action to miss. Now, most weekends I am DVRing eight to nine Premiership games, plus one or two from Spain. I'm pumped, because this weekend all ten Premier League games are on between Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta. Not to mention Boxing Day on Wednesday, which means more EPL action satisfaction for me.
3. Got the big vasectomy last Friday. Surprisingly, it was painless. I felt nothing. Highly recommend it, especially if your insurance covers all but fifteen bucks of the cost like mine did. Big ups to my doc for a good job. I did get a hellacious leg cramp that night, but me thinks it was unrelated. Vasectomy is an odd thing, because it's the lazy surgery. I feel no pain, but am still on restricted lifting duty. We got five/six inches of snow overnight Saturday, and I felt like I could go out there and snow blow it back to hell, but didn't want to take the risk. Brother Dung came over and shoveled for me (we were shopping, or else I would have let him save his back and use the blower). It's a very odd thing. But I don't want my balls to swell up like cantaloupes for the next month, so I'm listening to the doctors orders.
4. Christmas is less than a week away now. I can't wait. Sunday we go to my mom's for the annual visit with her family. Monday is up North to my father-in-law's. Tuesday is up North again to my mother-in-law's. Good times, good food, good fun. I love it. Just crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates. No snow, bro!
5. Speaking of Christmas, tomorrow is my annual wrapping day. I sit here by myself surrounded by presents, wrapping paper, scissors, tape, a strong desire to succeed, and my unique abilities to beatbox like a white mofo.
6. How's this for a kick in the balls? I'm not a gamer, but I do enjoy a PC game called Worldwide Soccer Manager 2007. It's a management simulation game, in that you are a soccer manager (can choose from every club on Planet Football) and that's it. You do all the things a manager would do, but come game day, you sit back and let your players play the game. You can choose the lineup, set the tactics, make the subs. But you can't go out there and play the game. I love it. Very fun, but frustrating when the bastards lose.
Anywho, my team is currently in a minor slump. Lost three in a row without scoring. Fourth game they scored, but still lost. Afterwards, my club chairman called me out, in the press, for being unprofessional.
That's right. A computer person just smack-talked me.
Gotta run, the boy is waking up. Be back sooner this time (that IS a threat!)
Be seeing you.
WHAT I'M READING: More Chomsky. I'm a Chomskyite. Plus, it's not the kind of book you can breeze through on the toilet, where I do my best reading, thinking, and work.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Football a-plenty! Plus, some MMA and some Twin Peaks Season Two.
SO here I am again, only one month since my last post. Life's busy. Two kids plus a wife and a full-time job means little time for the simple pleasures, such as bathing, shaving, and blogging.
Here's a few tidbits to give you your fill for now during this holiday season:
1. MLS Cup 2007 was an excellent game, won by Houston Dynamo. Houston becomes only the second team to ever repeat, and have a real shot at three-peating next year if they keep the team together. Good footballing squad. One of the top three best MLS Cups ever.
2. After the MLS season ended, I could no longer hold out and got my Setanta Sports channel back. Just too much awesome footie action to miss. Now, most weekends I am DVRing eight to nine Premiership games, plus one or two from Spain. I'm pumped, because this weekend all ten Premier League games are on between Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta. Not to mention Boxing Day on Wednesday, which means more EPL action satisfaction for me.
3. Got the big vasectomy last Friday. Surprisingly, it was painless. I felt nothing. Highly recommend it, especially if your insurance covers all but fifteen bucks of the cost like mine did. Big ups to my doc for a good job. I did get a hellacious leg cramp that night, but me thinks it was unrelated. Vasectomy is an odd thing, because it's the lazy surgery. I feel no pain, but am still on restricted lifting duty. We got five/six inches of snow overnight Saturday, and I felt like I could go out there and snow blow it back to hell, but didn't want to take the risk. Brother Dung came over and shoveled for me (we were shopping, or else I would have let him save his back and use the blower). It's a very odd thing. But I don't want my balls to swell up like cantaloupes for the next month, so I'm listening to the doctors orders.
4. Christmas is less than a week away now. I can't wait. Sunday we go to my mom's for the annual visit with her family. Monday is up North to my father-in-law's. Tuesday is up North again to my mother-in-law's. Good times, good food, good fun. I love it. Just crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates. No snow, bro!
5. Speaking of Christmas, tomorrow is my annual wrapping day. I sit here by myself surrounded by presents, wrapping paper, scissors, tape, a strong desire to succeed, and my unique abilities to beatbox like a white mofo.
6. How's this for a kick in the balls? I'm not a gamer, but I do enjoy a PC game called Worldwide Soccer Manager 2007. It's a management simulation game, in that you are a soccer manager (can choose from every club on Planet Football) and that's it. You do all the things a manager would do, but come game day, you sit back and let your players play the game. You can choose the lineup, set the tactics, make the subs. But you can't go out there and play the game. I love it. Very fun, but frustrating when the bastards lose.
Anywho, my team is currently in a minor slump. Lost three in a row without scoring. Fourth game they scored, but still lost. Afterwards, my club chairman called me out, in the press, for being unprofessional.
That's right. A computer person just smack-talked me.
Gotta run, the boy is waking up. Be back sooner this time (that IS a threat!)
Be seeing you.
Friday, November 16, 2007
MLS Cup 2007
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of the soundtrack to The Fountain, as it's the first CD I bought in 2007.
WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Time to hit the library.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, this Sunday it's MLS Cup 2007 (more down below). Also hitting X-Files Season 3 really hard with Sullivan.
Late nights, long days, and lots of chores to do. It's my life these last few weeks since the birth of Sullivan, and I'm loving it.
I usually stay up to about 1 in the morning, letting my wife get her much needed rest every night. So the little baby and I are watching some DVD's, such as X-Files.
But this coming Sunday is the big one for me in American sports. My Super Bowl (only exciting), my World Series (only exciting), my NBA Finals (only...you get the point). Yes, it's the twelfth annual Major League Soccer championship game, the MLS Cup.
A sad one for me, as my United fell out earlier, and the game is at their home stadium. It would have been awesome if they made it, as it would have guaranteed a sellout and a rocking crowd.
But, alas, it didn't happen. Instead, much as I predicted last time, it's a rematch of last year's game. Houston Dynamo (defending champions) versus New England Revolution (three time losers making their third straight final appearance). Last year, they played 120 minutes for a one-one draw and went to the dreaded PK's (MLS Cup first, dammit!) before Houston won.
Here's how I see it going down. I expect a decent crowd. I'll go with 39,000 (seating for 47,000 at RFK). I see it heading to extra-time again tied at nil-nil. Hard to bet against that when you consider that New England has been in three previous Cup finals, and all were nil-nil at the end of full-time. The Revs just pack it in too much and hope to hit on the counter, but they don't. I see Houston winning it one-nil, with a very late goal (I'll say between minutes 107 and 115) from Joseph Ngwenya.
Interesting stories here, as if Houston wins, they become the first repeat champions since DC United in 1996 & 1997. If New England wins, it's a first title in four attempts.
I think it will be an okay game, but with New England in there, I don't see a lot of offensive chances.
Also next week is Thanksgiving. Huge turkey dinners on Sunday and two on Thursday. I'm loving me some turkey!
Gobble Gobble, baby!
And I'll close with the Jude quote of the week (actually about two weeks old now):
Jude is watching the Wiggles, which he loves. Suddenly, he turns to me and asks "Daddy, what do the Wiggles smell like?"
If only I knew.
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Time to hit the library.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, this Sunday it's MLS Cup 2007 (more down below). Also hitting X-Files Season 3 really hard with Sullivan.
Late nights, long days, and lots of chores to do. It's my life these last few weeks since the birth of Sullivan, and I'm loving it.
I usually stay up to about 1 in the morning, letting my wife get her much needed rest every night. So the little baby and I are watching some DVD's, such as X-Files.
But this coming Sunday is the big one for me in American sports. My Super Bowl (only exciting), my World Series (only exciting), my NBA Finals (only...you get the point). Yes, it's the twelfth annual Major League Soccer championship game, the MLS Cup.
A sad one for me, as my United fell out earlier, and the game is at their home stadium. It would have been awesome if they made it, as it would have guaranteed a sellout and a rocking crowd.
But, alas, it didn't happen. Instead, much as I predicted last time, it's a rematch of last year's game. Houston Dynamo (defending champions) versus New England Revolution (three time losers making their third straight final appearance). Last year, they played 120 minutes for a one-one draw and went to the dreaded PK's (MLS Cup first, dammit!) before Houston won.
Here's how I see it going down. I expect a decent crowd. I'll go with 39,000 (seating for 47,000 at RFK). I see it heading to extra-time again tied at nil-nil. Hard to bet against that when you consider that New England has been in three previous Cup finals, and all were nil-nil at the end of full-time. The Revs just pack it in too much and hope to hit on the counter, but they don't. I see Houston winning it one-nil, with a very late goal (I'll say between minutes 107 and 115) from Joseph Ngwenya.
Interesting stories here, as if Houston wins, they become the first repeat champions since DC United in 1996 & 1997. If New England wins, it's a first title in four attempts.
I think it will be an okay game, but with New England in there, I don't see a lot of offensive chances.
Also next week is Thanksgiving. Huge turkey dinners on Sunday and two on Thursday. I'm loving me some turkey!
Gobble Gobble, baby!
And I'll close with the Jude quote of the week (actually about two weeks old now):
Jude is watching the Wiggles, which he loves. Suddenly, he turns to me and asks "Daddy, what do the Wiggles smell like?"
If only I knew.
Be Seeing You.
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