Jose, We Hardly Knew Ye

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A mix-CD I made last year with a variety of music. Some music from films, some Tom Waits, and a dash of "No Woman No Cry".

WHAT I'M READING: Just started "Hubris", yet another book pointing out what an idiot Dubya is. Why do I keep reading them? Honestly, don't know. I go to the library with the best intentions, but usually cannot pick some books out and end up going over to the modern history section.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: If it's the weekend, it must be time on Planet Football. Watched some MLS action last night, and just finished viewing Manchester United's huge two-nil win over Chelsea with my boy Jude. Outside of the footie, Queen of the Dung Heap and I are working through the last of the Jeff films. Down to the final four for those who care (which would be me and Kimbers when she's bored enough). Also finished up the second season of X-Files a bit ago, so will be whipping out season three soon. And finally, the new TV season starts this week. So it's back to our joint viewing of Heroes, Earl, The Office, and my reality shows (The Ultimate Fighter 6 and The Contender).

I FIND IT FUNNY how the local yokels and the media react to Notre Dame. See, the Dung Heap is roughly a spit in a good wind away from the campus. So we get a lot of Notre Dame stuff here. What I love is the vicious cycle. A Notre Dame team will be sucking it up. Fans will cry for the coaches head.

sidenote-My favorite example of this is back when the Bob guy was here after Lou Holtz. Due to working like twenty-two days in a row, my employer gave me two free tickets to a Notre Dame game. Didn't really want to go, but had never been and thought it would be a way to waste an afternoon with the wife before heading to the first Harry Potter film at the local picture show. So we go. The fans all around us (those who actually care about pointy-ball) are just attacking the coach from the opening kick. One guy is shouting angrily after every play that Notre Dame isn't passing the ball. "Why do you always run? Pass the ball once!" So, at some point in the second quarter Notre Dame passes, and it is intercepted. The idiot jumps up immediately and yells out "Why'd you pass the ball, Coach?" in anger.

Anywho, the team sucks and the coach is fired. The fans rejoice. Some new guy is hired, and all is golden. Jeff Jeffers, the local "sports newscaster" (I use quotations because from what I can tell he only knows about Notre Dame football and no other sport) goes on and on during the news cast giving the coach fellatio (okay, he only literally gave one coach fellatio one time on air, but you can tell at the end of the interview that Jeffers is about to spread those lips wide to open the cock holster soon as the cameras are off). It's just days and weeks of how great the new coach is and how much the last guy sucked. Invariably, the words "The tradition is back" or "the glory years are returning" or "Ugh mghdition ishgh baghagah" (spoken with mouth full of coach schlong) are spoken on air. You see the signs popping up in yards. Some form of t-shirt is quickly put out by the university at the bargain basement price of $85 (seriously, Notre Dame sent me a catalog once and everything is over-priced; it cost like ninety bucks for ND boxers).

New coach will come in, riding the wave of glory and love (and wiping Jeffers' spit off his pubes). That first season the team will usually do good. No national title, no bowl victories, but like one or two defeats. Good. The local fans are excited. Jeffers is jerking Little Jeff during the eleven o'clock news. Hysteria is in the air. Next year is the year. This new guy will get his recruits in, the stank of the old coach will finally be completely gone. Everything will be sweet corn. Of course that national title will come to the Bend. (actually, according to the university, the campus is located in Notre Dame, Indiana; find that place on a fucking map you jackholes!). Jeffers, after swallowing a load of liquid love, will declare them the best pointy ball team on the planet, ranking them above the Super Bore winners. ("If the Irish played NFL Champions the Colts, it would be a 45-zero rout called off at halftime according to the mercy rule established in slow-pitch softball leagues and playgrounds around the nation.").

Of course, that second year the team comes back to reality. They lose as often as they win, if not more. The new recruits stink. The national title dream is gone by week two. Jeffers won't return the coach's phone calls.

And, naturally, the fans turn on the coach. He goes from a write-in vote for the Nobel Prize to unable to get a free meal at the homeless shelter. His head is called for. Calls are made for a new coach.

That's where we are right now. I guess Notre Dame has lost every game. People want change. If they don't hire a new coach, the athletic director will be assassinated Grassy Knoll style by the time the Thanksgiving turkey is on the fourth day of leftover sandwiches.

I have no doubt that this will continue. They'll suck. Fans will want a new coach. He'll probably get fired next year. And Jeffers will be chapping up those sweet, sweet lips waiting for the announcement of the new coach.

I find it all very funny, myself.

p.s.-I hate Jeff Jeffers. With every fibre of my being. In case you were wondering.

JOSE JOSE JOSE JOSE IS GONE IS GONE (to the tune of "ole ole ole ole")
So Mourinho has left Chelski. Not too suprising. Seems he and the trillionaire Russian owner Abramovich could no longer get along. Abramovich bought Chelski four years ago with the dream of football glory at any cost (really, any cost, the dude spent hundreds of millions on players). Chelski won nothing that first year, so the gaffer was fired and Jose Mourinho was brought in. Mourinho had just led FC Porto to a league/Champions League double, and was being considered as the best football manager on the globe. In three years, Chelski won two Premiership titles, one FA Cup, two Carling Cups, and one Charity Shield. Pretty damn good. They lost like six matches in the league during this time, and never lost at home. But they didn't win the Champions League. So Mourinho was under pressure, and couldn't take it anymore.

He's gone now, and I'll miss him. Oh, he's two excellent a football mind to be unemployed for long. But he had a swagger that I enjoyed. Chelski have appointed some nobody that use to coach Israel to take his place. I see a minor disaster here, and this new guy Grant won't be on the sideline come next August.

Worst of all, it would have been sweet if Man United beat Chelski in Mourinho's last game in charge. Instead, they whupped the Trillionaire's Boy Club today in Grant's first game of a short reign.

DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE:
ABC-1
ESPN2-21
FSC-17
Direct Kick-57

So that's 57 games for $79, or $1.39 per game, with a whole month left!

Be Seeing You.