Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Rumors of My Blog's Death, Though Extremely Hoped For, Are Greatly Exaggerated

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Still the Wiggles. Damn you to hell, catchy tunes! Also, some Sigur Ros. I like music that goes on forever in a language that no human has ever spoken sung melodically.

WHAT I'M READING: More Chomsky. I'm a Chomskyite. Plus, it's not the kind of book you can breeze through on the toilet, where I do my best reading, thinking, and work.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Football a-plenty! Plus, some MMA and some Twin Peaks Season Two.

SO here I am again, only one month since my last post. Life's busy. Two kids plus a wife and a full-time job means little time for the simple pleasures, such as bathing, shaving, and blogging.

Here's a few tidbits to give you your fill for now during this holiday season:

1. MLS Cup 2007 was an excellent game, won by Houston Dynamo. Houston becomes only the second team to ever repeat, and have a real shot at three-peating next year if they keep the team together. Good footballing squad. One of the top three best MLS Cups ever.

2. After the MLS season ended, I could no longer hold out and got my Setanta Sports channel back. Just too much awesome footie action to miss. Now, most weekends I am DVRing eight to nine Premiership games, plus one or two from Spain. I'm pumped, because this weekend all ten Premier League games are on between Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta. Not to mention Boxing Day on Wednesday, which means more EPL action satisfaction for me.

3. Got the big vasectomy last Friday. Surprisingly, it was painless. I felt nothing. Highly recommend it, especially if your insurance covers all but fifteen bucks of the cost like mine did. Big ups to my doc for a good job. I did get a hellacious leg cramp that night, but me thinks it was unrelated. Vasectomy is an odd thing, because it's the lazy surgery. I feel no pain, but am still on restricted lifting duty. We got five/six inches of snow overnight Saturday, and I felt like I could go out there and snow blow it back to hell, but didn't want to take the risk. Brother Dung came over and shoveled for me (we were shopping, or else I would have let him save his back and use the blower). It's a very odd thing. But I don't want my balls to swell up like cantaloupes for the next month, so I'm listening to the doctors orders.

4. Christmas is less than a week away now. I can't wait. Sunday we go to my mom's for the annual visit with her family. Monday is up North to my father-in-law's. Tuesday is up North again to my mother-in-law's. Good times, good food, good fun. I love it. Just crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates. No snow, bro!

5. Speaking of Christmas, tomorrow is my annual wrapping day. I sit here by myself surrounded by presents, wrapping paper, scissors, tape, a strong desire to succeed, and my unique abilities to beatbox like a white mofo.

6. How's this for a kick in the balls? I'm not a gamer, but I do enjoy a PC game called Worldwide Soccer Manager 2007. It's a management simulation game, in that you are a soccer manager (can choose from every club on Planet Football) and that's it. You do all the things a manager would do, but come game day, you sit back and let your players play the game. You can choose the lineup, set the tactics, make the subs. But you can't go out there and play the game. I love it. Very fun, but frustrating when the bastards lose.

Anywho, my team is currently in a minor slump. Lost three in a row without scoring. Fourth game they scored, but still lost. Afterwards, my club chairman called me out, in the press, for being unprofessional.

That's right. A computer person just smack-talked me.

Gotta run, the boy is waking up. Be back sooner this time (that IS a threat!)

Be seeing you.

Friday, November 16, 2007

MLS Cup 2007

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of the soundtrack to The Fountain, as it's the first CD I bought in 2007.

WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Time to hit the library.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, this Sunday it's MLS Cup 2007 (more down below). Also hitting X-Files Season 3 really hard with Sullivan.

Late nights, long days, and lots of chores to do. It's my life these last few weeks since the birth of Sullivan, and I'm loving it.

I usually stay up to about 1 in the morning, letting my wife get her much needed rest every night. So the little baby and I are watching some DVD's, such as X-Files.

But this coming Sunday is the big one for me in American sports. My Super Bowl (only exciting), my World Series (only exciting), my NBA Finals (only...you get the point). Yes, it's the twelfth annual Major League Soccer championship game, the MLS Cup.

A sad one for me, as my United fell out earlier, and the game is at their home stadium. It would have been awesome if they made it, as it would have guaranteed a sellout and a rocking crowd.

But, alas, it didn't happen. Instead, much as I predicted last time, it's a rematch of last year's game. Houston Dynamo (defending champions) versus New England Revolution (three time losers making their third straight final appearance). Last year, they played 120 minutes for a one-one draw and went to the dreaded PK's (MLS Cup first, dammit!) before Houston won.

Here's how I see it going down. I expect a decent crowd. I'll go with 39,000 (seating for 47,000 at RFK). I see it heading to extra-time again tied at nil-nil. Hard to bet against that when you consider that New England has been in three previous Cup finals, and all were nil-nil at the end of full-time. The Revs just pack it in too much and hope to hit on the counter, but they don't. I see Houston winning it one-nil, with a very late goal (I'll say between minutes 107 and 115) from Joseph Ngwenya.

Interesting stories here, as if Houston wins, they become the first repeat champions since DC United in 1996 & 1997. If New England wins, it's a first title in four attempts.

I think it will be an okay game, but with New England in there, I don't see a lot of offensive chances.

Also next week is Thanksgiving. Huge turkey dinners on Sunday and two on Thursday. I'm loving me some turkey!

Gobble Gobble, baby!

And I'll close with the Jude quote of the week (actually about two weeks old now):
Jude is watching the Wiggles, which he loves. Suddenly, he turns to me and asks "Daddy, what do the Wiggles smell like?"

If only I knew.

Be Seeing You.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Another Cupa Another Cupa Another Cupa This Damn Song!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: The Wiggles hit album "Wiggly Wiggly World" and the awesome soundtrack to 2006's best movie The Fountain.

WHAT I'M READING: Some Noam Chomsky. A like this guy a lot. He's intelligent beyond belief and uses that intelligence to form a worldview that isn't compromised by political ideology. Above all else, he's not a hypocrite, and has made his life a mission against hypocrisy. Also, my latest edition of MajorLeagueSoccer magazine.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Watched the Contender Season Three finale last night. A helluva fight. Usually, championship fights and games tend to be a let down, because the fighters (or teams) are more cautious than usual because everything is on the line. These two fighters went out there to simply box. Also had the MLS first round second leg games this past weekend. And I watched the exceptional documentary "No End in Sight". Go rent it now. Awesome documentary work.

Hitting on a few different things as it's been awhile.

1. Halloween came and went. Had a ton o' fun with my boy Jude. He dressed as a firefighter. We traveled up to the Great White North of southwest Michigan to trick-or-treat in a land where kids still come out in droves for free candy. Saw some very good costumes and some cute kids. Last year, the wife and I came up with some ground rules for Trick-or-Treating. If you are old enough to smoke, you're too old to do it. If you're old enough to drive yourself around, you're too old to do it. I got a new one this year. If I can look at a trick-or-treater and think "nice ass" without being a pedophile, the trick-or-treater is too old. But, in my defense, he had a great ass.

2. My big boy Jude has gone Wiggles crazy. More to the point, he's gone cuckoo for the album (and DVD) Wiggly Wiggly World. We checked it out from the library for three weeks, listening non-stop in the car. Especially track fifteen, which is "Another Cuppa" all about Captain Feathersword's unfortunate addiction to Dorothy's rosy tea. He won't drink anything else. He just keeps asking for another cuppa another cuppa another cuppa another cuppa rosy tea. That's pretty much the whole tune, strung out over four minutes. I'll give it this: it's a good song. But when you've heard it roughly 5,000 times in 21 days, you start to go nuts. So the three weeks was up and we took it back. We checked out another Wiggles CD, which Jude hated. So we went back two days later, and Jude wanted Wiggly Wiggly World again. I caved in, because I'm an easy mark of a father. Not only did we get it for ANOTHER three weeks, but we also checked out the DVD version of it. So I was getting Another cuppa Another cuppa Another cuppa in my car everywhere we went, plus seeing it on the TV twice a day.

But Jude loves it, so what can you do.

I have got him to branch out into other tracks on the disc. Which leads us to...

3. My boy is silly, and has some odd opinions. One of the guest singers on the CD is a chap by the name of Jimmy Little. Jude asked who it was. I said Jimmy Little. He informed me that he didn't like Jimmy Little. Later on, he retracted that, stating for the record that he liked Jimmy Little "some times". Today on the way to daycare, Jude informed me, in these words, that he didn't like Jimmy Little.

"You don't like Jimmy?" I asked.
"Not so much," my three-year old said.

On the way up north for Halloween, to preserve my sanity, we listened to grown up music like Leonard Cohen. Jude listened for roughly half a song before declaring he didn't like it. Two songs in, he was crying.

"What's wrong, Juders?" I asked.
"I'm sad."
"This song is boring me," he answered through tears.

I picked him up from daycare with the classic "Burning for You" in the CD player. Jude heard two guitar strums before shouting out how much he hated it.

4. Jude's latest obsession is the classic film "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", which he has renamed "Charlie". It's a great one. It has also brought me to a decision that will improve my life.

I want a Oompa-Loompa.

See, whenever Willy wants something done, he just plays a little tune on his flute thingy and some midget with an orange face and green hair pops up out of nowhere to do his every bidding. How cool would that be? Imagine playing flute and some midget pops up.
"Get me some Arby's," I'd say.
"Put the laundry away."

That would be great. Plus, they don't talk back, but they do sing cool little songs. And the choreography!

Life would be so much better with a green-haired androgynous midget doing everything for me.

5. Well, I got 3 out of 4 in my MLS playoff predictions. I did pick Kansas City, New England, and Houston. But my beloved DC United fell to Chicago, again. I should have called it, and was thinking it. But there's this little voice in my head saying that a loyal fan wouldn't predict his team to lose. So for the fourth time, Chicago knocks DC out. Seven games played, five losses and two ties. Outscored thirteen to two (at least DC finally burst their scoring cherry after 3,000 scoreless minutes). Since I had United winning the whole thing, I'm wrong there. I'm also incorrect in predicting the MLS Cup finalists after two years of calling it before the season started.

That sets up New England Revolution hosting Chicago Fire Thursday night on ESPN2 and Houston Dynamo hosting Kansas City Wizards Saturday night on Fox Soccer Channel. Conference finals are one game affairs, so the winners go on to the MLS Cup. Tough call in the East, as it should be very close. I'm gonna go with the Revs beating the Fire one-nil. I like Houston's chances at home, and see them winning two-nil. That would set up a MLS Cup rematch between New England and Houston, the first time two teams met in successive years. Should be exciting.

Fox Soccer Channel-22
Direct Kick-71

That's 71 games for $79, or $1.11 per game for the year. No more DK games this season. What a helluva bargain!

With only three games left, I'm just gonna finish out the chart here.
ABC-2 (MLS Cup will be on)
ESPN2-27 (Eastern Conference final on)
Fox Soccer Channel-23 (Western Conference final on)
Direct Kick-71 (all done)

So that will end up being 123 games this season. A very good year for MLS.

That's all I got for now.

Be Seeing You.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Quest for the Cup Is Here (And I Was Kinda Right For Once!)

EASTERN CONFERENCE#1 DC United v. #4 Chicago Fire#2 New England Revolution v. #3 New York Red Bulls

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINAL#1 DC United v. #3 New York Red Bulls


WESTERN CONFERENCE#1 Houston Dynamo v. #4 Colorado Rapids#2 Los Angeles Galaxy v. #3 FC Dallas

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINAL#1 Houston Dynamo v. #2 Los Angeles Galaxy

Now, in my original prediction I had this as the MLS Cup final, with the Galaxy winning. However, that was a different situation. I think in a one-off cup final at a neutral spot that the Galaxy would win. But a one-off conference final at the Dynamo's home stadium, I like their chances better.


MLS CUP 2007DC United v. Houston Dynamo

Hate to jinx my club by picking them to win it all (for the fifth time, suckas!), but it's so very hard to repeat in MLS. Only one club has ever done it (hint-same team that will win it in 2007).So there it is. Read it, weep, wipe your eyes, than chuckle at my thinking I can call the MLS Cup final three years in a row.Be seeing you.

The above is copied from my early April blog on MLS Predictions Revisions. I re-post this, because how awesome am I? Way back before the first ball was even kicked, I called the six of the eight playoff clubs, and got the entire Eastern Conference first round correct.

Seeing how awesome I am, it's time to make my playoff predictions. Remember, I have correctly called the MLS Cup finalists the last two years (we won't talk about my picking the winner incorrectly). Here it goes:

DC United v. Chicago Fire
This is a tough one. United comes in having only lost once in fourteen games. They also won the Supporters Shield for the second year in a row (a league first). However, United have always fumbled against the Fire. At MLS Cup 1998, Chicago beat DC two-nil. In the 2003 playoffs, Chicago beat DC two-nil in both legs, for a four-nil aggregate victory. In the 2005 playoffs, Chicago drew DC nil-nil in the first leg, than beat DC four-nil in the second. So in five playoff games, Chicago has beaten DC 10-nil. Chicago has looked good under new coach Osario and star signging Blanco. This will be a interesting series. But in the end, I gotta stay true to my guys.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll say 3-2 on aggregate)

New England Revolution v. New York Red Bulls
Should be good. It would be good for MLS if New York could actually win a playoff series. But I don't see it happening here. Defense is too suspect, and Revs are always tough. Hell, they've been to the Eastern Conference finals the last 5 years in a row! I originally predicted New York to win here, but I'm officially going with...
MY PICK: New England Revolution (I'll say 4-2 on aggregate)

Club Deportivo Chivas USA v. Kansas City Wizards
Chivas USA had a great year, finishing first in the West. Especially when you consider I had them not even making the playoffs. I was wrong. Preki has done a good job as coach and has a very strong, attacking team with perhaps the best goalkeeper in MLS right now in Brad Guzan. KC started strong, but faded around the mid-season. They just made it in on the final game. I like Onalfo, and I like his attacking mindset. This will be, to me, the best first round series. It's tough to call, especially with Chivas losing Ante Razov to a knee injury. There's always one upset in the first round, and I'm taking a shot here.
MY PICK: Kansas City Wizards (I'll say 3-2 on aggregate)

Houston Dynamo v. FC Dallas
The battle of Texas. I don't think it will be close. Dallas looked good at the start, but this team has stumbled lately. Dynamo are the defending champions and have been strong since May. It won't really be close.
MY PICK: Houston Dynamo (I'll say 4-1 on aggregate)

DC United v. New England Revolution
United played strong the entire second half. Revs are always strong. A rematch from last year, at the same site. A great crowd should be enough to help my boys advance. I really don't want the Revs back in MLS Cup, even if they weren't playing DC. Three times they've made it there. All three MLS Cups were nil-nil at the end of regulation (only time it's ever happened; thanks Revs!). All three went deep into stoppage before getting a goal. They just suck the life out of a cup final. I'm backing my club.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll go with 2-1)

Houston Dynamo v. Kansas City Wizards
Interesting. I still think the defending MLS Champions are a strong, safe bet to get back to the big game. KC will prove a challenge, but falter in the end.
MY PICK: Houston Dynamo (I'll go with 2-nil)

MLS CUP 2007
DC United v. Houston Dynamo
A sold-out RFK will be rocking for the homeside. In MLS' entire twelve year history, only two teams have played MLS Cup on their homefield. Revs in 2002 and United in 1997. This is a strong United team, with great fan support. Only one club has ever repeated as MLS Champions (DC, of course, in 1996 & 1997), and I don't see Houston doing it.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll go with 2-1)

There you go. Official picks from the guy with the Midas touch. Remember, last two MLS Cups I called it BEFORE the season even started (Revs v. Houston & Revs v. Galaxy), and this year I did call a United-Dynamo Cup.

Bank on it!

Direct Kick-67

Regular season is now over, but the playoffs are on the way. So, 67 games watched for $79, or $1.18 per game. What a steal!

Be Seeing You.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Two in One!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: The same. It's only been two hours, people!


WHAT I'M WATCHING: Just finished the Thursday night MLS Primetime game on ESPN2. Great game betwixt New York Red Bulls and Los Angeles Galaxy.

YOU say you love you some movie awards, even ten months past due? Then have I got the thing for you! Check out this link, bitches. http://jeffawards.blogstream.com/

That takes you to my other blog, the even less visited Jeff Awards. What are the Jeff Awards you ask with absolutely no caring in your voice? Well, I love me some movies. And I love movie awards. I also like pizza, soccer, and sex with my wife. But those are all different blogs. Check out these links if that interests you:


(not real blogs)

Every year I compile a list of 100 films to watch from the previous calendar year. I watch the 100 movies, some with the wife. After I've viewed 100 movies (this year it took roughly nine months) I list my Jeff Award nominees on the other blog (g'head, check it out-that baby's collecting dust). I watch the five best films one more time before deciding on the winners. I post them and prove that if a tree falls in the forest nobody will care. Not at all.

But I enjoy it, so there. Besides, it's my blog, and I'm one of the two people on Earth who read it. So 50% of my readers love those darn Jeff Awards.

I haven't actually studied every baby ever, but I'm ready to declare our new son Sullivan the single gasiest baby ever. It seems he's always farting. Much more than Jude did (we had to bribe those farts to make an appearance). He's still cute though.

Because I promised it, and because you don't give a damn, here it is!

Direct Kick-64

So that's 64 games for $79, or $1.23 per game. We are entering the final weekend of the MLS season, and there are some big games on the plate. DC United, Club Deportivo Chivas USA, New England Revolution, Houston Dynamo, New York Red Bulls, and FC Dallas have already qualified. Toronto FC and Real Salt Lake are already out. The final two playoff spots are up for grabs and will be decided by Sunday afternoon. Chicago Fire, Kansas City Wizards, Columbus Crew, Colorado Rapids, and Los Angeles Galaxy are going for them.

It's gonna be good. Four games on the DVR Saturday. Playoffs start next Thursday. DC United have already clinched the Supporter's Shield as the overall points champion this season. First team to do it two years in a row. They've also clinched home field advantage, which is huge. After that first playoff game on the road, they'll be home the rest of the way as long as they are in it, with MLS Cup 2007 being at RFK.

San Jose Earthquakes will be coming back to MLS in 2008, and it looks like Seattle will have a club in 2009. Also seems like Portland and St. Louis are closer to getting into MLS.

Great time to be a fan of Major League Soccer. Potential is there for the best playoffs ever!

Be Seeing You.

Oh, Thank Heaven! Seven-Eleven!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of the Wiggles smash CD hit "Wiggly Wiggly World", with an emphasis on the songs "Another Cuppa" and "Six Months on a Leaky Boat". The first being my son's favorite, and the last being my favorite. Yep, I got me a favorite Wiggles tune.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: MLS as the season is winding down into the final weekend. Also, keeping up with my reality shows "The Contender" and "The Ultimate Fighter 6". On the side, a heapin' helpin' of some Noam Chomsky. Plus, I finished those pesky Jeff Awards (I'll post the link elsewhere).

WHAT I'M READING: Thanks to an impatient three year old and the impending closing of the library, I quickly grabbed some books from the classic section. Right now, I'm on "The Plague" by Albert Camus. Pretty good, considering I grabbed and ran for the checkout.

WELL faithful readers (yes, the plural is completely optimistic), major things have prevented me from blogging recently. Let me break it down for you, Dung! style.

It all began a long time ago on a day the calendar likes to call Thursday October 11, 2007. I had literally just finished cooking dinner and was preparing to spoon it lovingly on a plate for my beautiful bride, I heard those three little words every man longs to hear from his sexy wife: "My water broke!"

She stood up, with Niagara Falls between her pregger legs flowing onto our carpet. Number One Son Jude immediately pointed and yelled out "She can drip on the carpet, but I can't color with my crayons on your oh-so-precious carpet, Father?!?"

Okay, that may or may-not have happened. But the water breaking did. Now, my wife is due on November 1st, and we already scheduled the c-section for October 26th, so when she called out my response was "No it didn't!"

But it did. The evidence was too overwhelming. Even the O.J. jury would convict based on it (how's that for most dated reference of any blog this year). So we gathered our things and rushed the lovely wife to the hospital. This was around 7 in the p.m. I had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, the baby was coming early.

People with actual medical degrees and stuff confirmed this around 9 pm when they said "We gonna pull that little bugger out ya." I called my mother, who was asleep (although to be fair, she was asleep by seven) and needed to remind her that we had Jude with us, and most likely the doctors would not allow a three year old into the surgery room to watch Mommy get gutted. So they came and took the boy for the night. I called the wife's family up in Michigan. They live an hour away in good weather, and being this is nearly mid-October the snow was surely falling. They outfitted me with some scrubs and a mask that wouldn't stay because the cheap-ass string kept breaking. Then I was hustled into a room just in time to see them tossing my numb-ass wife around like a rag doll (she got the spinal block so as to not feel the pain of being cut open-wussy!). I huddled up close to my pretty girl, mostly to talk to her during the surgery, but also to avoid seeing what her insides look like. At 10:21 in the p.m. they pulled our little son's legs out. At 10:21 and fifteen seconds in the p.m., he pulled the legs back into his mother's warm womb. "It's cold out there, ya stupid bastards!" he shouted.

Okay, that might not be 100% accurate. So they pulled out the boy, and much like his brother Jude before him, the boy entered this world urinating everywhere. After some cleaning, testing, and checking, I was allowed to hold my newborn son.

World, say hello to Sullivan David (last name withheld at baby's request)!

Baby was seven pounds and eleven ounces (hence that clever title) and 20.5 inches long. That made him four ounces and 1/2 and inch bigger than Jude. A beautiful head of hair. A beautiful baby.

So now our two boys are alive and well, and at home.

THE FUTURE. Quit reading now, honey. Okay, for the rest of you (I know, optimistic on my part that I have readers) I have already mapped out one exciting career path for my boys. When they are of age, I shall take them to Mexico where they shall don masks and compete in the lucha libre circuit (that's pro wrestling south of the border) under the names "El Hijo del Manaconda" and "El Hermano del El Hijo del Manaconda". The glory shall be great!

Okay, my lovely wife absolutely hates that idea. So it won't happen. But a man's gotta have a dream (especially when you doze off watching Fox Sports Espanyol and wake up to Mexican wrestling at one in the morning).

THE DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE! will return in the next blog. See, I can't update my records without it spoiling the result of last night's game, so I have to watch the game first.

Be Seeing You.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Jose, We Hardly Knew Ye

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A mix-CD I made last year with a variety of music. Some music from films, some Tom Waits, and a dash of "No Woman No Cry".

WHAT I'M READING: Just started "Hubris", yet another book pointing out what an idiot Dubya is. Why do I keep reading them? Honestly, don't know. I go to the library with the best intentions, but usually cannot pick some books out and end up going over to the modern history section.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: If it's the weekend, it must be time on Planet Football. Watched some MLS action last night, and just finished viewing Manchester United's huge two-nil win over Chelsea with my boy Jude. Outside of the footie, Queen of the Dung Heap and I are working through the last of the Jeff films. Down to the final four for those who care (which would be me and Kimbers when she's bored enough). Also finished up the second season of X-Files a bit ago, so will be whipping out season three soon. And finally, the new TV season starts this week. So it's back to our joint viewing of Heroes, Earl, The Office, and my reality shows (The Ultimate Fighter 6 and The Contender).

I FIND IT FUNNY how the local yokels and the media react to Notre Dame. See, the Dung Heap is roughly a spit in a good wind away from the campus. So we get a lot of Notre Dame stuff here. What I love is the vicious cycle. A Notre Dame team will be sucking it up. Fans will cry for the coaches head.

sidenote-My favorite example of this is back when the Bob guy was here after Lou Holtz. Due to working like twenty-two days in a row, my employer gave me two free tickets to a Notre Dame game. Didn't really want to go, but had never been and thought it would be a way to waste an afternoon with the wife before heading to the first Harry Potter film at the local picture show. So we go. The fans all around us (those who actually care about pointy-ball) are just attacking the coach from the opening kick. One guy is shouting angrily after every play that Notre Dame isn't passing the ball. "Why do you always run? Pass the ball once!" So, at some point in the second quarter Notre Dame passes, and it is intercepted. The idiot jumps up immediately and yells out "Why'd you pass the ball, Coach?" in anger.

Anywho, the team sucks and the coach is fired. The fans rejoice. Some new guy is hired, and all is golden. Jeff Jeffers, the local "sports newscaster" (I use quotations because from what I can tell he only knows about Notre Dame football and no other sport) goes on and on during the news cast giving the coach fellatio (okay, he only literally gave one coach fellatio one time on air, but you can tell at the end of the interview that Jeffers is about to spread those lips wide to open the cock holster soon as the cameras are off). It's just days and weeks of how great the new coach is and how much the last guy sucked. Invariably, the words "The tradition is back" or "the glory years are returning" or "Ugh mghdition ishgh baghagah" (spoken with mouth full of coach schlong) are spoken on air. You see the signs popping up in yards. Some form of t-shirt is quickly put out by the university at the bargain basement price of $85 (seriously, Notre Dame sent me a catalog once and everything is over-priced; it cost like ninety bucks for ND boxers).

New coach will come in, riding the wave of glory and love (and wiping Jeffers' spit off his pubes). That first season the team will usually do good. No national title, no bowl victories, but like one or two defeats. Good. The local fans are excited. Jeffers is jerking Little Jeff during the eleven o'clock news. Hysteria is in the air. Next year is the year. This new guy will get his recruits in, the stank of the old coach will finally be completely gone. Everything will be sweet corn. Of course that national title will come to the Bend. (actually, according to the university, the campus is located in Notre Dame, Indiana; find that place on a fucking map you jackholes!). Jeffers, after swallowing a load of liquid love, will declare them the best pointy ball team on the planet, ranking them above the Super Bore winners. ("If the Irish played NFL Champions the Colts, it would be a 45-zero rout called off at halftime according to the mercy rule established in slow-pitch softball leagues and playgrounds around the nation.").

Of course, that second year the team comes back to reality. They lose as often as they win, if not more. The new recruits stink. The national title dream is gone by week two. Jeffers won't return the coach's phone calls.

And, naturally, the fans turn on the coach. He goes from a write-in vote for the Nobel Prize to unable to get a free meal at the homeless shelter. His head is called for. Calls are made for a new coach.

That's where we are right now. I guess Notre Dame has lost every game. People want change. If they don't hire a new coach, the athletic director will be assassinated Grassy Knoll style by the time the Thanksgiving turkey is on the fourth day of leftover sandwiches.

I have no doubt that this will continue. They'll suck. Fans will want a new coach. He'll probably get fired next year. And Jeffers will be chapping up those sweet, sweet lips waiting for the announcement of the new coach.

I find it all very funny, myself.

p.s.-I hate Jeff Jeffers. With every fibre of my being. In case you were wondering.

JOSE JOSE JOSE JOSE IS GONE IS GONE (to the tune of "ole ole ole ole")
So Mourinho has left Chelski. Not too suprising. Seems he and the trillionaire Russian owner Abramovich could no longer get along. Abramovich bought Chelski four years ago with the dream of football glory at any cost (really, any cost, the dude spent hundreds of millions on players). Chelski won nothing that first year, so the gaffer was fired and Jose Mourinho was brought in. Mourinho had just led FC Porto to a league/Champions League double, and was being considered as the best football manager on the globe. In three years, Chelski won two Premiership titles, one FA Cup, two Carling Cups, and one Charity Shield. Pretty damn good. They lost like six matches in the league during this time, and never lost at home. But they didn't win the Champions League. So Mourinho was under pressure, and couldn't take it anymore.

He's gone now, and I'll miss him. Oh, he's two excellent a football mind to be unemployed for long. But he had a swagger that I enjoyed. Chelski have appointed some nobody that use to coach Israel to take his place. I see a minor disaster here, and this new guy Grant won't be on the sideline come next August.

Worst of all, it would have been sweet if Man United beat Chelski in Mourinho's last game in charge. Instead, they whupped the Trillionaire's Boy Club today in Grant's first game of a short reign.

Direct Kick-57

So that's 57 games for $79, or $1.39 per game, with a whole month left!

Be Seeing You.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Rumors of Dung's Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated (to the dismay of many)

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Some Depeche Mode, some Sinead O'Connor and some Ben Lee.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finished up the weekend's MLS action, and now back into X-Files Season Two (I shall finish it, by God!).

WHAT I'M READING: Nothing at the moment. Gave up on "Hannibal Rising" even though I made it through the first three books by Thomas Harris. The end of "Hannibal" was such a huge disappointment, and the first 100 pages of this one are equally bad. Harris jumped the shark, getting too wrapped up into loving his own creation to make an interesting, realistic story. Off to the library today to begin something new.

Here I am, back after a month's absence. Just enjoying the tail-end of summer here in Northern Indiana. Hanging out with the family, playing with Number One Son while the weather is still nice, and working my way through the Jeff Award film list. See, it's a list of 100 films released in 2006. I watch them all, then I whittle it down to nominees for my Jeff Awards (but that's a whole other blog).

Can't believe it's almost mid-September already. The summer goes on officially for another two weeks, Labor Day is generally considered the end of it. Kids are back in school, vacations are done, and pools are being put up as we speak. Here at the old Dung Heap, we celebrated Jude's third birthday plus the big three holidays, and our sixth anniversary.

I'm a summer guy. As I've posted before, I love the warm weather and being able to go outside. I love taking Jude to the local park at night. I love wearing shorts and a t-shirt (or in my case, many DC United and Manchester United jerseys). I love grilling. I love driving with the windows down. I love the sun being up before me, and setting after nine at night.

But that's all going to change soon, as it does every year. It's already dark when I get up, and the sun is setting as we come home from the park at eight o'clock in the evening.

Today, for the first time in a long time, the air conditioner is off AND the windows are closed. It's chilly out.

Before too long, I'll have to get the rake out and pick up the leaves. Less this year, because last week I butchered the family tree.

Halloween is only about forty days away (hell, it's right now according to cinemas across America), and the candy is on display in the stores. Right after that is Thanksgiving, then Christmas. Pretty soon, 2007 will be but a distant memory.

I'm having fun, but time is flying ridiculously quickly lately.

BIG NEWS ALERT! Mark it down on your calendars! Friday the twenty-sixth of October around 7:45 in the morning, Son Number Two shall be born (or ripped from the womb, whichever you prefer). It's crunch time, but we're ready. Well, Mrs. Dung is ready, and she's the only one that really counts here, as it's her body the little bugger has invaded.

I'm looking forward to being a daddy to another bouncing baby boy, but still curious how I'll handle being a father of two.

1. DC United is on the rise, winning seven of the last eight, and collecting twenty-two out of twenty-four points to take a nice lead in the Eastern Conference, and move closer to our second straight Supporter's Shield. The way the team is playing, I'm beginning to believe that we can win title number five come November. MLS Cup 2007 is at RFK Stadium, and if United are in the game, you can bet on a sellout, with a great crowd supporting. I like what I see.

2. Manchester United struggled out of the gate. Two draws and a loss in the Manchester derby to start the season. But things are back on track. Consecutive wins over Tottenham and Sunderland put us at eight points. It's going to be tough making up the early season lost ground, but the squad has the talent. Plus, we've been without Rooney since game one, and Ronaldo since game two.

3. Impressive win Saturday at home for Los Angeles Galaxy, especially with Landon Donovan and David Beckham not being there. But still, I can't see them making the playoffs. Too little too late there. Shame too, as they have the talent to go far, and a great coach. But injuries and poor form have hurt them. If they get everybody back next year and can avoid the injury bug, L.A. could be very dangerous in 2008.

4. DC are in form, as are Chivas USA. In MLS, in-form for the playoffs often means a championship.

5. Finally, here is the beloved...

Fox Soccer Channel-16
Direct Kick package-51
(as of 9/9/07)

So that's 51 games for $79, or $1.55 per game. And there's still another month to go. What a bargain!

Good to be back.

Be Seeing You.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

You Say It's Your Anniversary (Well, It's My Anniversary Too!)

Today's blog is dedicated exclusively to the Queen of the Dung Heap. No reading, watching, listening. No football. No views and news.

Because today is our special day.

August 11, 2001 was the day that we officially became man and wife. We unofficially became man and wife about a week before we met when I correctly answered a trivia question she e-mailed me. See, she said if I could get that one right, we would head to Vegas. I got it right (Billionaire Boys Club, baby!) and she was endowed to me.

But in reality, we married six years ago today. It was a whirlwind time. We met via the Love@AOL site on December 27, 1999. Had our first date on January 5, 2000 in which we dined at a chinese buffet, enjoyed some Dairy Queen, and went back to her place for a little S&M (that would be sodas and muffins, you pervs). She showed me some T&A (that would be tapes and albums, you pervs). I looked through her album of accomplishments, which was very impressive (married me a smart one!). The next day we headed to the Great White North of Michigan for a comedy night at Chiefs. Friday we took a break, sadly. Saturday we spent some time at my apartment where I made dinner, we watched some Shawshank on TNT (shocking! Shawshank on TNT?), than she got naked and made me keep my clothes on so that I'd have the most incredibly sore balls in Northern Indiana history after she left.

In March I officially moved into her place, because it was a nicer apartment. On July 5th we recreated our first date, only this time instead of T&A (talk and allegory, you pervs), I threw a ring at her and she said yes. Excitedly, she called her mother to tell her, interrupting Survivor.

And on August 11, 2001 we married. A beautiful ceremony in Coloma, Michigan followed by a fun reception in St. Joseph, Michigan. A good time was had by all, especially when they were supposed to not have a good time and shut up to watch our first dance.

It's been a great six years. We bought a house, had a child, got pregnant, watched some movies, and had some crazy S&M (that's sandwiches and milk, you pervs).

And today we celebrate our holy matrimony, flush with pride that those nasty homosexuals can't ruin the institution by participating in it (sarcasm alert. sarcasm alert.)

I love my wife. She puts up with a lot that others wouldn't. Such as my stupidity, silly songs, five years of burnt food on the grill, and soccer out the yanghole. But she's the perfect wife for me, and I'm blessed to have her.

Happy Anniversary, Kimbers. Love you.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Anybody Ready For Some Football? (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Be Wrong)

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: The awesome soundtrack to "Requiem for a Dream". Me love me some Kronos Quartet.

WHAT I'M READING: The Agenda by Bob Woodward, on the first year of Clinton in office.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Last night it was "The Queen". Pretty darn good stuff. Mirren deserved that Oscar, though I cannot say the same for Forest Whitaker. Also, if it's the weekend, it must be MLS time, baby! Also saw the fifth Harry Potter film today.

A FEW RANDOM thoughts before I display my ineptitude.

1. This makes me curious. Why do supermarkets have those signs on the cart corrals? You know, it says "Please Help Us Keep Our Prices Down By Returning The Cart Here". It makes no sense, because right under it the store puts the information that they cannot be held responsible for damage caused by carts. So, if they are not responsible for the damage, why would our prices have to go up if damage is done? We should be able to leave our empty cart anywhere in the lot, and it doesn't matter, because they are not responsible. The sign makes no sense.

2. Despite what he says, I think when historians look back on Dubya's time in office it won't be pretty. Outside of the Iraq fiasco, he's done a lot of other things wrong. Too much to get into today. One day, I predict Bush will make us look back fondly on Nixon's controversies.

3. Funny interaction heard today betwixt the lovely wife and Number One Son.
THE LOVELY WIFE-"Bob the Builder is a great guy, but don't be fooled. He charges a ton of money for his work."
NUMBER ONE SON-"Don't tell me that."
Made me laugh.

4. This will make you laugh, because you don't live here to understand just how sad it really is.
Near our lovely town is a small village known as Roseland. For years, Roseland's three person council was dominated by a husband and wife team that lived for publicity, no matter how bad. They were known for tossing Roseland citizens out of meetings for making noise, any noise.

Turns out the husband of the disgraceful team has two kids living in Texas with his ex-wife. Turns out the husband also never pays his child support. He owes over $100,000 and never pays, despite being a real estate agent.

Recently, he got tossed in the slammer until he paid $10,400 in child support. He found the money. Shocking, when you consider he had his real estate license revoked last year. Even more shocking when you know that his wife recently purchased a house AND a new car (remember-he doesn't have money to pay child support).

Now comes the funny part. The husband was quoted in the local newspaper after getting out of jail saying this gem that is destined to be inducted into the Stupidity Hall of Fame.
"They're stealing from the children by making me waste my money on attorneys to go to court all the time."

That's right. The guy who has to go to court for refusing to pay his child support is apparently offended that the court system is stealing money from his children by making him go to court to get the child support money.

Now that's a whole new breed of idiot right there.

Now it's time to make my annual English Premier League Predictions for the 2007/2008 season. Those who pay attention know that I'll be wrong. But I gots to do it anyway! Here's how I see the table finishing up come next May.

1. Manchester United (my club has added serious talent to a championship side, and trophy number ten in sixteen years is coming home!)
2. Chelsea
3. Liverpool
4. Arsenal
5. Newcastle United (Big Sam is the right man for the job, and the club has a lot of talent that has underperformed; I expect a big turnaround for this club with Allardyce in charge)
6. Blackburn Rovers
7. Tottenham
8. Everton
9. Manchester City (Sven is here, and spending money, but I don't see a huge change from a yo-yo club)
10. Aston Villa
11. Middlesbrough
12. Reading (a very good first year in the EPL, but I think they'll struggle this term)
13. Portsmouth
14. West Ham United
15. Bolton
16. Fulham
17. Birmingham City (I think they will survive, but just barely; last day of the season type deal)
18. Wigan Athletic (barely stayed up last season, and I think they'll barely go down next May)
19. Sunderland (I'd love to see Roy Keane keep them up, but I can't; this yo-yo club is heading down, probably by mid-April)
20. Derby County (I'd be surprised if they do better than Watford did this year; down by late March essentially)

I see Liverpool winning the FA Cup, and Arsenal taking home the Carling Cup. As for the Charity Shield (to be played tomorrow!), I see Chelsea beating Man United.

The Direct Kick challenge will return next week, seeing as how for the first time in decades I've actually posted two blogs in under a week.

Be Seeing You.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Holy Frack! It's August?

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Got a couple mix-CD's of songs I've burned from two years ago. Good tunes. Jammin' on "Breathe" by Telepopmusik and "Afternoon Delight" by whomever sings it.

WHAT I'M READING: "The Brethren", Bob Woodward's 1979 opus on the Supreme Court. On a big Woodward kick, having read his Bush trilogy plus the two books on Nixon (All the President's Men and The Final Days) already this summer. Checked out four more, including The Brethren, from the library. After Woodward, I'm thinking of going back and reading the entire Dune Opus by Frank Herbert and his son. There's like 14 books total, so that should take the rest of the year.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Getting movies out of the way for my "coveted" Jeff Awards (a cheap Oscar rip off by me). See, I make a list of 100 films from the year (2006 in this case). Than I watch them. After watching all 100, I work out a list of nominees. Than I pick winners. Y'see, I am totally a geek. Recent films include "Infamous" (good), "The Fountain" (a must-see), "The Good German" (okay at best), and "The Good Shepherd" (very good, but not quite great).

Outside of that, I just started "The X-Files: Season Two". And, of course, there is the Major League Soccer season in full swing. Sounds like a lot. I watch TV at night, after tucking in my family.

Can't believe it's already August. This year is flying by. Summer is going way too fast. It's been very good so far.

Number One Son Jude had his third birthday on Monday. My boy is getting bigger. He's working on the potty training. He has mastered peeing in the potty, but needs to work on the pooing. For his birthday, we got him a way-cool bunk bed. He loves it. Took to the big boy bed a lot faster than I figured. Since night one, he has gotten in, stayed in, and slept all night long. We also got him a way-cool fireman's outfit that he loves (coat, hat, hose, axe, walkie-talkie, and fire extinguisher) to wear around the house, putting out fires. Finally, we got him Bob the Builder jammies.

On Saturday, we had his birthday party at Chuck E. Cheeses' Fine Eating Establishment. I've never been there before, so it was fun. Jude loved playing the games, eating the pizza, eating his ice cream cake, and opening his gifts. A good time was had by all.

WORK STILL SUCKS...But I can live with it. I had a new job lined up, but completely forgot about the insurance issue. See, with the beautiful Queen of the Dung Heap being due to have a child on November 1st, we need to have insurance for the birth. And taking that new job wouldn't help, as pregnancy is a pre-existing condition. So I had to pass. Still looking into getting a second job, as my current job doesn't guarantee me 40 a week (sometimes 40, sometimes 36). Besides, saving a bit of money would be good for a second child.

OF COURSE, THERE WILL BE SOCCER...My fave sport. The MLS season is in full swing, with my beloved DC United starting to show that they will not be championship contenders. The Superliga kicked off last week, a nice little cup competition betwixt Major League Soccer and Mexican First Division clubs. So far, MLS is doing pretty good. Los Angeles have advanced to the semi-final, and DC looks on course to join them there. New England and Houston are hot right now, with Kansas City, Columbus, and FC Dallas right behind them. Slumping sides include New York Red Bulls and Real Salt Lake, with DC United being inconsistent.

Freddy Adu, the fourteen-year old wunderkind when he debuted with MLS in 2004, is now 18. He's also heading over to Portugal to play for Benfica. A good move for all. Adu should definitely grow under the pressure of European football, and I don't think we ever saw the real Adu talent in MLS.

Becks is here. What more could possibly be said. Yes, it's good for MLS and soccer in America. But no need to add to all the hype. His MLS debut could be this Sunday, against Toronto FC at BMO Field, the best stadium atmosphere in the league.

Speaking of overseas, the Euro leagues will be starting soon. The English Premier League kicks off on August 11th, and the Italian Serie A starts up a week later. German Bundesliga is also getting underway soon, and Spain's La Liga will start up again in September.

So it's a great time to be a fan. MLS is hitting a mid-season stride, and the European leagues are just getting started. In just a few weeks, I'll be ass deep in football around the globe.

Which means it's almost time to call up DirecTV and order the sports pack, so I can get Fox Soccer Channel (EPL, Serie A, MLS, Euro Cup, and many qualifiers) and GolTV (La Liga, Bundesliga, and South American action) again. The DVR is gonna get a work out!

THE SCREENPLAY...final draft is still being written. Taking a bit of time, but I want this one to be as good as possible. This will be the draft I submit out West, and also the final draft of a screenplay that I first started back in high school in the Spring of 1992.

Already mulling over ideas for my next writing projects. Hope to have at least two scripts ready for submission before the year is over.

As of August 1, 2007
Direct Kick-42

So that is 42 games watched thus far, for a Direct Kick cost of $79 for the entire season. That comes to $1.88 per game.

And there's still four months of season left! Greatest bargain in sports!

Be Seeing You.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Here I am, Back again

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of Radiohead's "Karma Police". Great song.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: MLS, of course, and some Nixon stuff. A doc and the Stone film.

WHAT I'M READING: Finished "All the President's Men", almost done with "The Final Days", both by Woodward and Bernstein, both on Nixon, perhaps the most interesting President we've had in the 20th Century.

SO I've been gone for awhile. Been busy with life. Summertime is time to be outside with the boy, who loves to swim in his pool and loves to go to the park. Time for grilling, as I love to grill. Time for mowing, as I love to mow. But seeing as we haven't had more than five minutes of rain here in Northern Indiana since my birthday in April, the grass is dead. Yellow, dead. Oh, we've had days where the clouds were gray and you couldn't even see the sky beyond them. Yet it doesn't rain, or it pours for two minutes. It's sad really. I can't even bother using the sprinkler, because we'd have to run it 24 hours a day just to keep the dry grass green. Here's a few things on my plate:

DC United has played half the season now. Not too bad, but they were predicted to be champs by many, and are not playing like champions. I think it's my fault. I don't believe in curses now, mind you, but this time I have to.

DC United right now has a record of 7 wins, 5 losses, and three ties for 24 points. However, in games where I watch them, they have 3 wins, four losses and 2 ties. So in games without me watching, they have 4 wins 1 loss and 1 tie. That's a huge difference, and I think it's my fault. If they do make it to MLS Cup in November at RFK, I may have to avoid watching just to help their cause.

Number One Son is going to be three in just over two weeks. Boy Number Two is due in late October. My job decides to cut hours because corporate America can make more money that way. So now I'm looking for a part-time job. Until I get one, we have to rebudget. That meant that ole Dung Master had to call up DirecTV and cancel Setanta Sports and my sports package that brought me Fox Soccer Channel and GolTV. Still get my Direct Kick, as that was already paid for. It means less soccer for me. Not that it's the end of the world (the Euro leagues are off-season anyway), but I do wish to at least get FSC back in August, when the Premier League starts up.

So I'm off to find another job.

Kept me from here for awhile. I finished my first draft, and am now working on the final FINAL draft. Once that's done, I send it out and hope somebody buys it. Maybe, if I'm lucky, they can get Paris Hilton and Nick Lachey to star in it. Wouldn't that be grand?

For all of you (i.e., nobody) who cares, here it is!

Direct Kick-39 (4th of July bunched up the numbers here)

So that's 39 games by midseason for $79, or $2.03 per game. Best bargain in sports, and still another half-season to go!

The MLS All-Star game is Thursday night at Dick's Sporting Goods Park in Commerce City, Colorado against Celtic of Scotland on ESPN2 live at 8:30 pm EST. Who cares? All-Star games suck, basically. I'm more excited about Beckham's arrival (nice Sports Illustrated cover, eh?) and the Superliga starting than some meaningless game against a pre-season club.

But of course I'll watch. Haven't missed one yet.

Be Seeing You.

Monday, June 25, 2007

At the Copa, Copa America!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: James great 1990's CD "Laid". Anybody know if they still do music?

WHAT I'M READING: Just started "God is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finished UFC Ultimate Fighter 5 Finale. Got some Bill Moyers to view, and starting tomorrow is the Copa America on GolTV. More below.

Welcome to below.

Copa America 2007 starts tomorrow, going through July 15th. Last summer it was every game of the World Cup on the Disney networks, this summer it's every game of the Copa America on GolTV, and next summer it's every game of Euro 2008 on the Disney networks. It's good to be a football fan in America.

As always, I'll toss out my predictions. As always, they'll be about 50% correct. Here it goes, starting with the group stages.

1. Uruguay
2. Venezuela
3. Peru
4. Bolivia

1. Brazil
2. Ecuador
3. Mexico
4. Chile

1. Argentina
2. Paraguay
3. Colombia
4. United States of America

We're taking a young squad. It'll be great experience for the guys to prepare for World Cup qualifying, which begins next summer and revs up in 2009, and should help make us a force at World Cup 2010. But I can't see that lineup getting enough points to advance from a tough, tough group.

1. Uruguay v. Colombia
2. Mexico v. Ecuador
3. Brazil v. Paraguay
4. Argentina v. Venezuela

1. Uruguay v. Ecuador
2. Brazil v. Argentina

1. Brazil over Ecuador

1. Argentina over Uruguay

Argentina (don't cry for me) are taking a very loaded lineup, and have some great young talent to show. Messi is on top of the world right now.

It should be awesome. My first Copa America, as it's usually not shown anywhere but PPV. South American football is still very foreign to me, so I'm looking forward to learning while I enjoy.

GolTV is showing all 26 games live, so check the local listings.

For period ending June 24th


So that's 24 games at $79 for the season. Or, $3.29 per game. What a bargain!

Be Seeing You.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Father's Day

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: The Pixies. Where is my mind?

WHAT I'M READING: Just started Bill Moyers book "Moyers on America". Finished up the Woodward trilogy on Bush. Excellent stuff.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Weekend? Soccer! MLS and La Liga (that still going on?).

Just a few quick notes. It's Father's Day. Hopefully all the daddys out there are celebrating and being celebrated today. Remember to love on those kids, because they're the reason we get this day. We'll be spending the day in Michigan having fun in the sun.

I know I have a personal boycott of all things Paris Hilton. But I had to laugh when I saw this. On the cover of one of those supermarket tabloid/entertainment magazines this week is a photo of the Great Blond Idiot with the headline "How prison has changed Paris".

What the fuck!??!

The GBI has been in jail for what, one week (not even consecutive, is it?) and already it's changed her?

Look, she's too stupid to ever change, and daddy's got the money to make sure she doesn't have to. She'll come out, the press will fawn for no good reason, and she'll go back to being worthless and wasting space on the planet. She'll keep on partying, keep on driving drunk, not pay attention to simple things like getting a license, keep on getting roles in direct to video trash, keep putting out horrible albums that she claims are great, and keep getting coverage for it all.

She's unattractive. Has no talent. And is stupid.

But she's rich, so she'll keep getting press coverage.

It's times like these that make you say America has it's priorities screwed up.

Somewhere there is a minority in prison who didn't commit the crime but couldn't afford quality legal help facing twenty, or life, or possibly even the death penalty.

But our press wastes times on this GBI who's in jail for what, twenty days, for a crime she'll continue to commit.

Here it is, updated for through this weekend.


So that's 23 games, at $79 for the season, or $3.43 per game. What a bargain!

And the season is only 1/3rd over.

Be seeing you.

Monday, June 4, 2007

It's a Boy!

Just a quick blog.

Found out last Tuesday that the wife and I are having another boy.

That gives me two boys, who I plan to send to Mexico at the right age so they may form a tag team and dominate the Lucha Libre scene (that's pro wrestling in Mexico)!

His name shall be Sullivan.

He shall not be referred to as Number Two Son.

Very happy to have another boy. The family name shall live on!!

Here is it. As of this coming Wednesday.


So that's twenty games at $79 bucks, or $3.95 per game. What a bargain!

And it's only early June.

Back to my writing. But I shall one day resume a more regular schedule for my one devoted reader. Hi, honey.

Be Seeing You.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

It's Been a long time since I blogged and rolled

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: My Sigur Ros compilation CD I burned to help with my writing

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Season finale of "Heroes", plus soccer as usual.

WHAT I'M READING: "Plan of Attack" by Bob Woodward. The second of the Bush trilogy by Bobby. The first was excellent, and this one is just as good. Read them!

Okay, so I've been not here.

Very busy working on a writing project. My screenplay. Draft 8,000. That's where my writing focus has been. But I am still alive.

I want to make my Champions League final prediction before the big game tomorrow. Take the time to watch it live on ESPN2 at 2pm.

Here I go:
AC Milan 2
Liverpool 0

The Italians bring home the big trophy and avenge the bitter 2005 defeat.

One more quick thing:

Wherein I determine just what a great value the Direct Kick package is. Remember, it's $79 for the entire season. Here's my station by station breakdown as of today.

Fox Soccer Channel (FSC)-7
Direct Kick (DK)-15

So, 15 games at $79 for the year equals....$5.26 per game. And it's only May. By the end of the year, it'll be pocket change per game viewed.

Best deal in sports.

I'll be back now and then. Stay tuned.

Be Seeing You

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Happy Mother's Day

No WHAT I'M....today, as I just did it yesterday, so nothing has changed.

Besides, this one's for the Moms out there.

Like the vast majority of humans, I have a mother. We haven't always seen eye to eye on every issue, but I love her. Our communication is pretty limited, as we both hate to talk on the phone, and in person we're both quiet. But we do get along. I've got nothing but respect for all she's done for me over the last 33 years. There's no more loving mother out there.

I've got two mother-in-laws. Both are very good people. Both would do anything they possibly could for you. Both have their funny quirks. My wife's mother is a very active woman but also forgetful, so conversations with her can be funny. But it's not laughing at her, as she knows this about herself. My wife's stepmother is also a nice woman, but has an incredible overreaction to heat of any kind. When it gets above 62 degrees, she is sitting in front of the air conditioner with a little handheld fan blowing on her too.

But my favorite mother in all the world is my beautiful wife, Mrs. K. The mother of my first born, Number One Son, and the child yet to be born, Cletus/Shetus the Fetus. She's a great mother, nobody cares more for their child(ren). She's always thinking of the kid(s) first. It's a thing of beauty to watch her and Number One Son playing together.

I love her, and vote her the World's Best Mommy on this day set aside for her.

Happy Mother's Day, Kimbers.

Be seeing you.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

I want a promotion (playoffs)!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Some Garbage actually, as I thought I was special. Plus some Death Cab for Cutie.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: The Coca Cola League Promotional Playoffs have begun, with games all through the next week. Plus, MLS of course.

WHAT I'M READING: "Bush at War" by Bob Woodward. Very good read, very interesting, and sad. Hard to believe what a great opportunity at greatness Bush had, and threw away for Iraq.

So the leagues in Europe are winding down.

It goes without saying that Manchester United have won their ninth English Premier League championship (9 out of 15 ain't too bad).

The Coca Cola Leagues are done with the regular season. Now comes the only exciting post season for me (outside of MLS, natch): the promotional playoffs! Four clubs from each league do battle, the semi-finals a two-legged affair and the final in each league a single game played at the brand new Wembley Stadium.

Always exciting. Plus, thanks to Setanta Sports, I'll get to see virtually every single second of the action across all three leagues! Here's how it is playing out:

Shrewsbury Town v. Milton Keyes Dons
Lincoln City v. Bristol Rovers

Yeovil Town v. Nottingham Forest
Blackpool v. Oldham Athletic

Southampton v. Derby County
Wolverhampton Wolves v. West Bromwich Albion

The two winners in each league meet in the final, with the winning team going up to the next step (League Two to League One, League One to Championship, Championship to Premiership).

Part of the fun is picking a club in each level. Since I don't get to see the lower league games often enough, I don't really have a favorite club per league. So I pick one of the four to support, adding just that little bit more to the playoffs.

In League Two, I'm siding with MK Dons, just because of the hard road they've had from the heights of English football to the last rung on the league ladder. It would be nice to see them actually go up for a change.

In League One, I'm siding with Nottingham Forest. With their glorious history (champions of Europe twice in the early 1980's!), this is a side I want to see back in the EPL sometime soon. Moving up a step now would be a start. Plus, they are the club I'm managing in my World Soccer Manager 2007 computer game.

In the Championship, it's tougher. In the end, I'm siding with Southampton, just because I think they belong back up in the top level. But I wouldn't mind seeing Wolves either.

So, it's some great football excitement every day from now until next weekend, then the finals in each league over Memorial Day weekend.

Good times.

I'm going back to the games now. Hope to get a post tomorrow or Monday for Mother's Day, as it's a special day for the most special ladies on Earth.

Be seeing you.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

A Heapin' Helpin' O' Dung!

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A few different CD's I've burned over the last year. A bit of emphasis on two tunes-"Year of the Cat" by Al Stewart and "A Lap Dance is so much better when the Stripper is crying" by Bloodhound Gang.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, it's the weekend, so you know it's life on planet football here at the Dung Heap. Watched the Manchester Derby yesterday, plus some MLS action. Also still working my way through The Sopranos Season Six Part One. Three episodes to go.

WHAT I'M READING: A very good, interesting, frightening book called "It Can Happen Here" by Joe Conason. I've read one other book by Joe C., and this is just as good. Check it out.

1. 50-50
Well, I got the UEFA Champions League semi-final predictions half right. I did get Liverpool over Chelsea, but my beloved United crashed out in the second leg at AC Milan. Milan played a great game of football, and Man United didn't show up for it. So the dream of the treble is over. Hard to be sad though, as this season has already been far better than expected (more later).

So on May 23rd, we've got Liverpool v. AC Milan in a rematch of the famous 2005 UEFA Champions League final. I'll make my official prediction later on here, but it should be a good game of footie. The purist in me doesn't like that neither team actually won their domestic league last season, but in the current UEFA Champions League set up, that doesn't really matter much.

2. One Step Closer...
With a huge comeback win last Saturday versus Everton and a win in the Manchester Derby over Man City yesterday, Manchester United are even closer to winning a ninth English Premiership title. Man United currently have an eight point lead with only two games to play, but Chelsea play Arsehole today, plus two more games.

If Chelsea do not win today, the title is Manchester United's. If they do win, both teams will have two games left, six points on the line, and United have the five point lead. Either way, I'm feeling good that the title is coming home to Old Trafford.

Let's not forget that Man United and Chelsea will battle in the FA Cup Final on May 19th at the New Wembley. A chance for another double in the Sir Alex years!

3. Baby Update: Pretty Wife had an appointment this week, and all went well. She even got to hear the baby's heartbeat. The next appointment is May 29th, and we should find out the sex on that date. Boy or girl, we love our little baby.

4. Got my writing bug back finally. Started work this week on a new screenplay. Well, not really new. A revised screenplay. I've been working on the story since right after high school graduation in 1992. It's gone through way too many drafts to even count, been separated into three scripts, and come back together. But now I think I've finally got it in my mind. I hope to finish the first draft (well, probably closer to 20th draft) by Memorial Day, spend June doing one final revision to make it near perfect, than send it off to some agents.

Can't give up the dream!

5. Well, birthday thirty-three is over. It was a great day spent with the family. Some awesome gifts. Got the second/final season of Twin Peaks, one o' my favorite shows. Got season three and four of The X-Files, plus the X-Files movie. The family took me out to dinner. We were planning to go to a very good Chicago style pizza place here in town, but they are closed on Mondays, plus you can only order when you're there and it takes about an hour to prepare, too long for Number One Son to sit and wait for food.

So we went to Famous Dave's, because we loves the ribs. Our favorite restaurant is Hanayori, which is a Japanese Teppan steakhouse. The food is incredible. But we're waiting to go there with the in-laws, as my mother-in-law swears she'll go with us next time. So we went to get some yummy ribs. Very good food.

6. Well, the summer movie season is here with the opening of Spider-Man 3. I'm not the bigger Spidey movie fan. I've seen the first two, but they were just okay to me. Really can't see how those movies made even $100 million, but the public is fickle. I've got no plans to see Spidey 3 on the big screen. I can wait for DVD for this one. We don't see many films on the big screen now, but I'm sure we'll see at least one summer film. I know the wife loves the Harry Potter books/films, so we'll probably go see Potter 5 in July. Outside of that, nothing really jumps out at me as Must See this summer.

7. The big job search starts this week. Two main reasons. One, me wants out of retail. I've been in retail for seventeen years. Two, the company has lied to me. I just don't stand for that. See, I put in for a promotion.
(1) They told me how the interview process would go, with three different stages of talking to people progressively higher up the ladder. I was up against one other guy. Good guy. I went through stage one of the interview process. They told me they'd set up stage two in two weeks. One week later, a message on the voicemail informs me that the other guy got the job.

Now, I don't mind him getting the job. What I mind is the fact that they told me one thing, then did another. It seems he was gonna get the job no matter what. Fine, either tell me beforehand, or do what you said you would do. Anything else is a lie.

(2) Immediately after, the company tried to patronize me with a phone call. See, I'm a valuable member of the team, so they wanted to sit down with me and map out my future. I was the ideal candidate for a sales position, and those should be opening up any day now. So the district manager was gonna come up and have the talk, planning out the future of the Dung Master. He said he would call me back shortly with a date, time, and location.

That was about three weeks ago. Nothing since then. Seems they thought I might get upset about the whole lying thing, so they wanted to codify me with some false platitudes and pathetic attempts at kissing up.

Lie to me once, I'm through. Lie to me twice, and I begin planning a change in career. If you can't treat an employee with simple respect, don't expect the employee to stick around.

That's all I got for now.

Be Seeing You.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

On Turning 33

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A mix-CD of mostly Sigur Ros tunes, sprinkled with some others.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Soccer, of course, but also a wonderful PBS Bill Moyer's special called "Buying the War" about the so-called liberal media's failure to do their job in the run up to Iraq. If you can catch a replay, do so. It's damn good.

WHAT I'M READING: My "Inside United" magazine subscription finally started coming to the house again, after a strange two month delay.

Tomorrow I will be turning 33 years old. Thirty-three long years on this planet. It's been a pretty good run so far. I've got no real complaints. A college graduate. Found the love of my life and married her. Have a wonderful son and another on the way this Fall. Plus, I enjoy the soccer.

Have I accomplished all my goals? No. I still want to have a career as a writer. Getting paid to do something I love. I still want to do some traveling, especially with the wife. She deserves to see the world. I'd love to see my beloved DC United in person at their own stadium, or go to Old Trafford to see United play. I'd love to see Europe, or more importantly, Hawaii.

I'd love to never see snow again.

It'd be awesome to make enough money at my job so that the wife didn't have to work again. There's a part of me that feels a failure to them that my wife has to work and my child has to go to daycare. They should be at home, together.

But I haven't given up on any of those dreams. I believe that it will happen. I got a lot of hope, and hope don't cost a thing.

I plan to work harder at achieving those dreams in year thirty-three. Time to get out of the retail world and get a career going. Time to spend more time writing, and finding agents to get my writing sold.

After 33 years, it's time to start living the life of my dreams. For my wife and children, and for myself.

Happy Birthday to me.

1. Watching the Ultimate Fighter reality series for the first time. Just really got back into UFC this past winter. It's actually an interesting show. Although I do feel that too many UFC-wannabees feel like they need to waste time acting tough rather than doing the hard work in the gym to actually be tough.

2. Well, DC United has played three games and lost three times. Not a good start. But as long as MLS has a playoff system, early season woes don't really matter. Remember last year, DC lost one time in the first 16 games of a 32 game season. But the time the playoffs started, they were a shell of that team, and didn't even get to the MLS Cup final.

3. Hard to feel bad about that, though, with Manchester United riding high. Five points clear at the top of the Premier League with only three games left (basically, the title is coming home). Plus, already booking a spot against Chelsea in the FA Cup Final next month. AND, with the 3-2 home win last week, they hold the edge going into the second leg of the semi-final series with AC Milan in the UEFA Champions League. A shot at the treble, again. No complaints there.

4. Still catching up on my season six part one of the Sopranos. Still a great show.

5. If you happen to run into my wife, please tell her that your wish to the Make-a-Wish foundation is that she allow me to open my birthday gifts today. She's been taunting me with them for about forty days now. (okay, it's only been three-but she always gets me awesome gifts, and it's hard to wait for it).

I'm starting a little list here on the ole blog of my MLS TV viewing for the season. I'm curious exactly how much I'm paying, total, for each game on the Direct Kick package. It costs $79 for the season, so we'll see if it truly is "The Greatest Value in Pro Sports".

So far, here's my list. First, I list the TV channel (DK stands for Direct Kick), than the number of games I've watched on that particular channel.

Fox Soccer Channel (FSC)-4
Direct Kick (DK)-12

So, as of tomorrow's game (April 30th), I've watched twelve games, or $6.58 per game. This is gonna be a helluva bargain, as there is still six months to go!

That's all I got for now.

Be Seeing You.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Quick Predix

Have to get my UEFA Champions League semi-final predictions in before the games begin tomorrow.

Again, these predictions are for the whole semi-final round, and not just the first legs.

1. Manchester United v. AC Milan
I go with Manchester United. It will be very tough, because Milan are tough to break down and really only have this one cup to play for now. United are stretched on three fronts, with only a three point lead and four games left in the EPL and being in the FA Cup final. Plus, injuries are hurting them. Saha, Ferdinand, and others.

But I am remaining confident that my club can do it, and keep the march to a second treble going.

2. Chelsea v. Liverpool
I go with Liverpool. Chelsea are also stretched on three fronts now. Chasing United in the EPL by three points, being in the FA Cup final also, and trying to win their first UEFA Champions League, the one that Mourinho really wants before leaving. But 'Pool always seem to have their number. Plus, they looked excellent against Barcelona, and much like Milan, this is the only thing they have left to play for. Same semi-final in 2005, and 'Pool won. I think they can do it again.

Both games are on ESPN2, with United- Milan Tuesday at 2:30 pm and Chelsea-Pool Wednesday at 2:30 pm.

Should be excellent first legs, so check them out.

Be seeing you.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Ten Best Lists

A long time ago, the beautiful wife asked me about my top ten films of all time.

After long thought, here's what I've come up with:

10. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1967)

9. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

8. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)

7. The Thin Red Line (1998)

6. Akira Kurosawa's Ran (1985)

5. Schindler's List (1993)

4. Gone With the Wind (1939)

3. Seven Samurai (1954)

2. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

1. Lawrence of Arabia (1962)

And, while we're at it, top ten songs of all time. Now, I'm not the biggest music geek out there, so the list is probably shabby to many:

10. Fade Into You by Mazzy Starr

9. God Only Knows by the Beach Boys

8. In This Heart by Sinnead O' Connor

7. Dogs by Pink Floyd

6. Under Pressure by Queen & David Bowie

5. Hey Jude by The Beatles

4. Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

3. Imagine by John Lennon

2. Unchained Melody by The Righteous Brothers

1. Theme from Shaft by Isaac Hayes

I don't really have a list for books, but the best one I've ever read is

"Johnny Got His Gun" by Dalton Trumbo

TV shows?

10. M*A*S*H

9. Danger Man (aka Secret Agent)

8. The Office (British version, obviously)

7. Twin Peaks

6. The Prisoner

5. Monty Python's Flying Circus

4. NYPD Blue

3. Arrested Development

2. The Sopranos

1. Seinfeld

Any thoughts? I'd love to hear differing opinions.

Be Seeing You.

Best Week Ever

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: "When it's Cold I'd Like to Die" by Moby. Beautiful song.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: A few things actually. Working my way through Season Six Part One of the Sopranos. Also, just finished "The Road to Guantanamo" last night.

WHAT I'M READING: "The Art of Happiness" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

I just hope VH-1 doesn't sue me for stealing their title for mine.

Haven't blogged this past week because I've been busy having the best week in my short lifetime.

See, our Day Care Provider spent the past week in the Bahamas, suffering through the weather. So that meant Daddy got to take a week vacation to be home with Number One Son (isn't he cute? Check out the photo at the bottom of the blog too).

Monday we spent time playing outside and did the annual Spring Cleaning of the house. Tuesday we went to the library and spent time at the park. We also had lunch with Mommy. Wednesday was more time outside. Thursday Mommy was home with us, so we went back to the library and also spent time outside. Friday was running some errands, visiting Mommy at work, and trip to the park.

Today? Well, the lawn must be mowed for the first time this year. We have to do our weekly shopping trip. Of course, there will be time outside. And tonight, after the family is tucked in for the night, I'll watch some MLS Soccer Saturday action off the DVR.

When Daddy is home, Number One Son wants to be with me. I can't even get him to take a nap (which resulted in him falling asleep while eating dinner Thursday. So we spent virtually every moment from the time he woke up until he went to bed (except for Thursday when I had to share him with Mommy) together.

And it was fantastic. A glorious vacation. My best week ever.

Some Other Things:
(1) Big victory for Man United onTuesday. So, they maintain the three point lead with five games to play. Still have the game against Chelsea, who is doing the chasing after two years of walking away with the championship. But if United can win the four other games they play (today versus Middlesborough, plus games against West Ham United, Manchester City, and Everton) they'll be champions thanks to a vastly superior goal differential over Chelski.

(2) More kudos to Man United for a victory over Watford last Saturday that booked them passage to the FA Cup Final at new Wembley.

So, keep up now, Manchester United is in first in the Premiership, into the UEFA Champions League semi-final versus AC Milan, and in the FA Cup Final versus Chelsea. A shot at another treble for Sir Alex's men. It's been a great season, and the next month is gonna be awesome.

(3) Watched the newest James Bond this week. Maybe it's just me, but I have a few problems with it. See, I like the idea of "re-starting" the series and showing his first case as 007. But if you do that, why have Judi Dench playing M? She was M in the last Bond voyage. Now you are going back to the first one, and she's M also? Don't make sense to me. So what happened? Was she M, then she got replaced by the first guy, then he got replaced, then they brough Dench back? Or are we supposed to ignore the previous 19 films now? Also, if you are going to do Bond's first adventure, why set it in the present day? The Bond films have lasted for forty years, but they all tend to have a chronological look to them. Now we've got our first Bond adventure set in 2006, forty years after the events in Dr. No happened?

Outside of that, the movie was good. Not great. Not the best Bond by a mile, but good. I like Daniel Craig in the role, and look forward to what he does with it.

(4) DC United have started with two losses, but I ain't worried. The Black and Red will get back on track, and I still see them playing for that beautiful trophy on their home pitch come November.

Be Seeing You

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Four out of Four Ain't Bad!

WHAT I'M READING: "Happiness", a book of Buddhism.

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Mix CD's, with many different tunes.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Tonight, it's the premier of MLS Primetime Thursday on ESPN2. Thursday nights are the new home of MLS on ESPN2.

...ring true!

I called all four quarter-final round series correctly.

1. Manchester United 8
Roma 3
2. Chelsea 3
Valencia 2
3. Liverpool 4
PSV Eindhoven 0
4. AC Milan 4
Bayern Munich 2

Just like I called them. For once, I'm basking in the glow of prediction perfection! It feels so good. Now if only somebody (besides my beautiful wife) was paying attention.

So that sets up a semi-final round of:
1. Manchester United v. AC Milan
2. Liverpool v. Chelsea

Still thinking over how I'm gonna call it, so my predictions will come soon.

Other stuff of note...
Not sure how I feel about Don Imus being fired. Yes, what he said was wrong. Yes, he deserved to be punished. But he was let go by his TV show and his radio show. Now the guy is unemployed. Was it really that bad? Does the punishment fit the crime? I'm not so sure.

It is highly hypocritical if any radio station that carried him now plays any song with offensive, racist type language, no matter what race the singer is.

And the public that cried out about this better start complaining to the music companies about the rap CD's that use language that harsh, and worse.

Any person of color who called for Imus' head this week better not be putting a CD with racist language in their stereo in the car.

It's fine if you think he deserved to be fired. But you should carry that anger across the board, and not just to some disc jockey who made a stupid, unfunny joke.

That's where this whole thing gets sticky. If we're gonna fire him for this, we need to be fair all over. And I don't think that's gonna happen.

Be Seeing you.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Some Random Thoughts from the Dung Pile

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of "Had a Bad Day" and "Swans", as they are the boy's two favorite songs. He likes to sing a long, but there's hell to pay if you try and join him.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finished "The Ground Truth" last night. Watching the two Champions League games of the day.

WHAT I'M READING: Just got some books on Buddhism from the library. Not sure where to start.

Random Thoughts:

1. I'll never understand the love for American Idol. To me, the competition is flawed. The singers are not allowed to choose their own tunes, but are forced to sing from the songbook of other artists. If you have to sing funk that week, and you just can't do funk, it could knock you out. That's not what recording artists face in the biz. Nobody expects Justin Timberlake to sing heavy metal on his next album, because that's not his style. Also, I can only think of one past winner who actually is doing something in the music industry, and that's the first one. So millions have watched and voted for American Idol winners who basically go nowhere after winning. If they truly are THE American Idol, shouldn't they have some kind of career after it?

Not a reality show fan. Don't watch them. Never understood the Survivor phenom either. C'mon, if you are stranded on an island, you aren't going to go all "every man for himself" or even form teams. You would all band together to get off that damn island. Nobody is ever rescued and says "I survived because I screwed everybody else who was stranded with me". It's just dumb to me.

2. To me, there is no abortion controversy. In fact, there's a simple solution to decreasing the amount of abortions in the USA. It's called sex ed. Kids and teens who are taught proper sex ed will know how to use a condom, and the pill, and the morning after drug if necessary. When they do that, unwanted abortions are cut down significantly. Take a look at the facts. Holland is a nation with great sex ed, and also the lowest abortion rates on the globe (if memory is correct). It goes hand in hand. Telling kids to abstain is sending them out there unprepared to stop unwanted pregnancies, which lead to abortions, which the people pushing this nonsense on our kids claim not to want have happen. Simple logic would solve that problem.

3. Will also never understand the whole "ban gay marriage" mindset. Who really cares, in the end? How will two guys (or two gals) getting married really, REALLY effect the rest of America. Like my marriage will suddenly mean less because Johnny and Jimmy like riding each other's ass whilst all oiled up.

What's the big deal against homosexuality anyway? What actual harm do gay people cause us? What rights of mine are they trampling? If two guys next door like doing each other, it doesn't change anything in my life. Nobody has ever decided "Hey, I wanna smoke my pal's cock" because they saw a gay couple out in public. There is no evidence, nor is there anything you can say that will ever convince me that somebody decides to be gay. I never decided to be straight. I just found women attractive. I can look at a guy and see why women think he's handsome. But I in no way find him attractive. I see a beautiful woman, I enjoy looking. It just happens naturally. I don't find myself staring at a guy. I don't see how anybody could force themselves to do that. "I don't really think Lenny's good looking, but being gay is so cool and has so many benefits that I'll fool myself".

To claim that homosexuality is a choice is to say that one chooses to be straight also. If that's true, than we all have straight and gay traits inside. I just don't see it. Here at Dung!, when we smell bullshit, we say so.

I smells me some bullshit!

4. I'm trying to develop this more, but let me just toss out the small taste here.

There is a difference between ignorance and racism, and often we don't realize it.

Stay tuned for more on that.

5. Can somebody offer up any evidence whatsoever that Dubya isn't the worst president we've ever had. I'm glad I'm not a Republican, because I would hate to have to ignore all the facts to still defend him.

6. This is America. We're not that stupid (voting Bush in twice aside). So why do companies spend money on commercials with actors singing the praises? Has anybody ever been fooled by that? Do you buy a product based on what some actor says? I'm not talking famous either. I'm talking the unknown actors providing "testimonial" about how great product X is. "I love my Vonage phone" or whatever.

On a related note, why do beer companies even advertise? They are going to sell their product. Just like tobacco, people will buy it without a single TV ad. Yeah, beer commercials can be funny. But save the money. It's not necessary.

That's all I got for now. Man United and Roma are lining up.

Be seeing you.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

The Annual MLS Prediction 2: Revisions!

Well, I made my Major League Soccer season predictions last week. Turns out, I made one error. The playoff format.

I'm still standing by my picks for who makes the playoffs:
DC United, New England Revolution, New York Red Bulls, Chicago Fire

Houston Dynamo, Los Angeles Galaxy, FC Dallas, Colorado Rapids

Remember, it's the top two clubs in each conference, than the next four best point totals.

Now, here was my mistake. I thought they were going to seed the clubs one through eight in the bracket. I was wrong.

Once more, with feeling, just for my wife: I WAS WRONG!

No, they are keeping the conference playoff format. If one conference had more clubs make it than the other, they'd just move one club over to the other conference playoff bracket. Say three went in from the East, and five from the West, they'd move one West over to the East.

Get it?

Now, I think each conference will have four clubs make it, so it's not that big a deal according to my guesses.

Here's my revised playoff predictions:

#1 DC United v. #4 Chicago Fire
#2 New England Revolution v. #3 New York Red Bulls

#1 DC United v. #3 New York Red Bulls

#1 Houston Dynamo v. #4 Colorado Rapids
#2 Los Angeles Galaxy v. #3 FC Dallas

#1 Houston Dynamo v. #2 Los Angeles Galaxy
Now, in my original prediction I had this as the MLS Cup final, with the Galaxy winning. However, that was a different situation. I think in a one-off cup final at a neutral spot that the Galaxy would win. But a one-off conference final at the Dynamo's home stadium, I like their chances better.

MLS CUP 2007
DC United v. Houston Dynamo


Hate to jinx my club by picking them to win it all (for the fifth time, suckas!), but it's so very hard to repeat in MLS. Only one club has ever done it (hint-same team that will win it in 2007).

So there it is. Read it, weep, wipe your eyes, than chuckle at my thinking I can call the MLS Cup final three years in a row.

Be seeing you.

The Champ (League)'s here!

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Champions League today and tomorrow, but also some films. In the midst of watching an interesting documentary on Iraq War 2 vets called "The Ground Truth".

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of The Decembrists, with their album "Picaresque". Interesting, fun music. Cool in an odd way. Check it out. Also rocking out to some Nine Inch Nails "Slightly Damaged". That song will get the blood flowing.

WHAT I'M READING: Just finished "I Killed" a book about comedians on the road. Very funny stuff.

Champions League quarter-final action starts today, with the first legs over the next 48 hours.

I failed to blog my predictions before actually watching the first game of the four, but I'm sticking with what I thought heading into today.

And again, these predictions are for the complete quarter-finals, not just the first leg.

1. Bayern Munich v. AC Milan
MY PREDICTION: AC Milan. I have watched the first leg, but sticking to my guns on this one. I think Milan only have the Champions League to focus on, with the point deduction punishment pretty much taking them out of the Serie A hunt on opening day. But Munich looked good here in getting the tie.

2. Liverpool v. PSV Eindhoven
MY PREDICTION: Liverpool. PSV impressed me by knocking Arsehole out in the last round, but I don't think they can do it again. 'Pool looked awesome in knocking out Barcelona, and I think they'll stay strong here.


3. Chelsea v. Valencia
MY PREDICTION: Chelsea. This is the toughest one to call for me, because under Mourinho, Chelsea have stumbled in the CL in the later stages. They could do it again. Yet in their current form, they just don't look like losing. It should be a very good contest.

4. Manchester United v. Roma
MY PREDICTION: Man United. C'mon, what kind of fan would I be to not go with my club? But seriously, I think they can do it. The recent rash of injuries have hurt them, but they are getting the results in the Premiership when they need them. Roma look good in the Serie A, but I'm sticking with my club.

There it is. A couple more blogs coming soon. Plus, a correction to my MLS predictions as I got the playoff format incorrect.

Be seeing you (soon).

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Annual MLS Prediction

Each year, I love to predict the coming Major League Soccer season ahead of time.

Impressive, in that the last two seasons I've correctly predicted the two clubs in the MLS Cup final. Not so impressive in that both times I predicted a New England victory, and both times I was wrong.

Revs suck!

Season Twelve kicks off on Saturday April 7th at 3:30 pm EST LIVE on ABC when the Colorado Rapids open their brand new Dick's Sporting Goods Park in Commerce City, Colorado against my beloved DC United. Later on in April, expansion side Toronto FC opens their new stadium, BMO Stadium, in Toronto (dramatic pause) Ontario, Canada. Toronto have impressed by selling out their season ticket alotment. 14,000 season ticket holders in a 20,000 seat stadium for a club that's never played a real game.

I've thought about it for awhile, and don't feel too confident, but this is how I see it going down.

1. DC United
2. New England Revolution
3. New York Red Bulls
4. Chicago Fire
5. Kansas City Wizards
6. Toronto FC
7. Columbus Crew

As the pre-season ends, most experts are saying United look like the future champions. I think they'll take the East. Revs have lost a big player in Clint Dempsey, and Shalrie Joseph wants out. Not to mention captain Joe Franchino taking a leave of absence. But they still have a lot of talent, and still have Matt Reis in the net and Taylor Twellman to score the goals. NYRB have added Claudio Reyna, and have the greatest MLS coach ever in Bruce Arena. But unless they find somebody to put it in the back of the net, life could be tough. The Fire lost some talent, but always seem to be a tough club to beat. I think they'll squeak into the final playoff spot. KC have added a great keeper in Hartman, but I also wonder where the goals will come from. Unless Eddie Johnson actually starts earning his paycheck, it'll be tough. Toronto have great support already, and some good players picked up in the various expansion drafts, but I think it'll be a tough first season. The Crew have some great young talent, but I don't think they have what it takes to go too far.

1. Houston Dynamo
2. Los Angeles Galaxy
3. FC Dallas
4. Colorado Rapids
5. Club Deportivo Chivas USA
6. Real Salt Lake

Dynamo are the defending champions, and still look strong on paper. LA will have to wait for David Beckham until August, and I think they'll struggle early. But Becks will be motivated when he arrives, and Landon Donovan has a lot to prove this year after a dismal World Cup and no playoffs in 2006. Plus, he wins titles in odd numbered years (2001 & 2003 with the Quakes and 2005 with LA). Dallas have a lot of talent and a deadly pair up top with Kenny Cooper and Carlos Ruiz. Can new coach Steve Morrow finally bring the wins? Colorado are always tough, despite not looking like much. A new stadium should inspire the club. CD Chivas USA just don't strike me this year. They were pretty good in 06, but they've lost the coach and some big name players. Can Ante Razov show up again? Is Preki the right man for the job? Too many questions, and I think they'll miss out on the playoffs on the last day of the season. Real Salt Lake have some talent, and have added Freddy Adu. But still don't measure up in the West.

A new playoff format for 2007, as the top two teams in each conference get in, than the next four best point totals regardless of conference. Here's how I see it going down.

TOP TWO IN EAST: DC United & New England Revolution
TOP TWO IN WEST: Houston Dynamo & Los Angeles Galaxy
NEXT FOUR BEST POINT TOTALS: New York Red Bulls, FC Dallas, Colorado Rapids, Chicago Fire

I'm not positive, but I'm guessing they'll seed them 1-8 based on points, so here's how I see the playoffs.

#1 Houston Dynamo v. #8 Chicago Fire
#4 New England Revolution v. #5 New York Red Bulls
#3 Los Angeles Galaxy v. #6 FC Dallas
#2 DC United v. #7 Colorado Rapids

#1 Houston Dynamo v. #5 New York Red Bulls
#2 DC United v. #3 Los Angeles Galaxy

MLS CUP 2007
#1 Houston Dynamo v. #3 Los Angeles Galaxy

Come final time, I think Becks and Donovan will be flying high. It'll be a good to great game, but I'm going with the fairy tale ending of:

MLS CHAMPIONS: Los Angeles Galaxy

I'll also guess this:
ALL-STAR GAME: MLS beats Celtic
US OPEN CUP: Houston Dynamo over New England Revolution

Take it to the bank!

(well, not so fast. Remember how I did on my Oscar picks-50%-and my Champions League picks-63%)

Whatever happens, it'll be an awesome season. New team. New stadiums. Sponsors on the front of jerseys. TV rights paid by Disney, FSC, and Univision. Every game on the national partners and Direct Kick.

I cannot wait!

Be seeing you!