Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Most Expensive Oil Change Ever (and other reasons 2007 kinda sucked)

WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A mixture. Quite a bit of Pete Yorn's debut album (cos it already is). Also, some Barenaked Ladies, because ole Steve can scream more melodically in "Break Your Heart" than I can sing. And, a bit of the old Sarah McLachlan, because I loves me some Canadians.

WHAT I'M READING: Made it through the local library's batch of Noam Chomsky. Read the most recent issue of Champions Magazine (the official mag of the Champions League) thanks in large part to a gift card for Borders I got for Christmas (can't spend nine bucks of my own money on one magazine, but will gladly spend somebody elses). Currently reading "Bill of Wrongs" by the late Molly Ivins. Up next is issue three of MajorLeagueSoccer Magazine.

WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finally did it. Got to watch all ten English Premier League games from this past weekend. In the past, I've had a shot at watching all ten games but something happened. A result got ruined before viewing. A game didn't record. This time, I did it. And I'm a better man for it. Up next, keeping plugging through Twin Peaks Season Two. Also, Netflix is sending me something called "Grindhouse Experience Disc 2" with cheap b-movies from the 1970's & 1980's.

DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU 2007:
Well, 2007 is finally over. It wasn't a truly horrible year, as we did have our little Sullivan and I had my balls cut open without pain. But 2007 was not a good year here at the Dung Heap. Every time we got a bit ahead, something would bite us in the arse. The final week was no different.

Last Thursday I went to my local Firestone for a routine oil change. I drive a lot for work, so my car was roughly 22,000 miles overdue for it. Got the car in quickly, and by 9:30 in the A.M. I'm sitting in the waiting room reading my Champions Magazine without a care in the world. Get the oil change, head home, and steam clean me some carpet. I live on the edge, bitches!

A normal oil change would cost me about twenty bucks. By the time I drove my car home that day, I had forked over $1376.31.

That's right. ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX DOLLARS AND THIRTY-ONE CENTS.

See, my little car needed some additional work. Such as, you ask? Well, here's a little list.
1. Oil Change
2. Ball joints (both lower front)-this was over three hundred dollars, which is still cheaper than the last time somebody worked over my ball joints (entendre alert! entendre alert!)
3. Lifetime alignment at about $150. Now, I'm no expert. I could notice that my car's alignment was off simply because whenever I let go of the wheel whilst driving, I'd make a right turn. But a lifetime alignment is one of those things that the mechanic mentions and I just nod along with so I don't seem like a jerkass.
4. Struts at over six hundred bills. I can strut for the cost of one embarrassed look of my wife, but these bad boys hurt the wallet.
5. Two new tires for the back o' the car at a tad over $130. Good deal actually. A few weeks back whilst working in Goshen, I got a flat on my front driver tire. I had to have that replaced, seeing as I was sixty miles from home without a friend in the world. I got both front tires replaced that day, since the other one was flatter than a girl in kindergarten. I knew the back tires would need replacing soon, as there was more rubber in my gloves than on the tire.
6. Labor of almost $500. Can't complain about that, as the ten minute oil change turned into a six hour workday on my Mercury Tracer for the guy.

All told, not the best news to get two days after Christmas. We're by no means rich, so a $1376.31 oil change hurts the bank account a bit. Not to mention just having got two new front tires weeks ago, and having to replace both my headlights last week (as they both went out in the span of a day-driving to work before dawn with no lights is fun, kids!)

BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! 2007 wasn't done whuppin' my pasty white ass. Saturday night I suddenly, out of nowhere, got the shits. The runny shits. The squirty, runny shits. The "painting the toilet brown" squirty runny shits. I wasn't too concerned, as usually they last about a day before letting my buttocks rest. Four days later, I was still rushing to the toilet every ten to fifteen minutes hoping to get it in the bowl and not in my pants. Especially since we're working on potty training Jude, and Daddy is always bragging how big boys don't poop their pants.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S STILL MORE! 2007 wanted one last laugh. So on New Year's Eve we got hit with a winter storm that dumped at least eight inches of snow on the ground. January 1st I began the year by getting out the snow thrower. Unfortunately for me, my best little friend doesn't work if the snow is that high. It just keeps clogging up the throw chute, meaning that I get to stop every foot (literally) and push a massive cylinder of snow out before moving. Eventually, I gave in and shoveled for the first time since 2005. I quickly remembered why I bought the snow thrower, as the shoveling of my walks, the neighbors walk, and the two driveways hurt the old back. Luckily for me (sarcasm intended) we got another two to three inches during the day, so I was back out there before dinner throwing snow again. This time, the thrower worked and I was done in a matter of minutes. It took about 90 minutes the first time by hand. I was laughing maniacally and singing out loud the praises of snow throwers as the white shit flew out that chute (and into my face).

So 2007 is truly over now, and life will get better. In 2008 my wife and I will celebrate eight years of knowing each other, seven years of marriage, Jude's fourth birthday, Sullivan's first, and our thirty-fourth.

There will be some great footballing moments as Manchester United chase EPL title number ten and DC United chase MLS crown number five. Euro 2008 is on this summer, and all games are live on the ESPN channels. Plus the USA begins qualifying for World Cup 2010.

It should be a fun year.

CHRISTMAS was good here. A lot of traveling over the three days, but we spent quality time with family and got a lot of cool gifts. My faves include: 2007 Man United home jersey, Worldwide Soccer Manager 2008 PC game, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season One DVD set, Honeymooners Complete Series DVD set, Blade Runner: The Final Cut DVD, The Simpsons Movie DVD, some clothes, and gift cards. Happy was I.

So enough whining about last year, and Dung is looking forward to this year. I'll leave you with some words from Jude's mouth.

After I explained that Mommy and Daddy got married because we love each other, Jude looked up at me and asked, "Can I marry you Daddy? I love you."

Be Seeing You.

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