WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A mixture. Quite a bit of Pete Yorn's debut album (cos it already is). Also, some Barenaked Ladies, because ole Steve can scream more melodically in "Break Your Heart" than I can sing. And, a bit of the old Sarah McLachlan, because I loves me some Canadians.
WHAT I'M READING: Made it through the local library's batch of Noam Chomsky. Read the most recent issue of Champions Magazine (the official mag of the Champions League) thanks in large part to a gift card for Borders I got for Christmas (can't spend nine bucks of my own money on one magazine, but will gladly spend somebody elses). Currently reading "Bill of Wrongs" by the late Molly Ivins. Up next is issue three of MajorLeagueSoccer Magazine.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Finally did it. Got to watch all ten English Premier League games from this past weekend. In the past, I've had a shot at watching all ten games but something happened. A result got ruined before viewing. A game didn't record. This time, I did it. And I'm a better man for it. Up next, keeping plugging through Twin Peaks Season Two. Also, Netflix is sending me something called "Grindhouse Experience Disc 2" with cheap b-movies from the 1970's & 1980's.
DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU 2007:
Well, 2007 is finally over. It wasn't a truly horrible year, as we did have our little Sullivan and I had my balls cut open without pain. But 2007 was not a good year here at the Dung Heap. Every time we got a bit ahead, something would bite us in the arse. The final week was no different.
Last Thursday I went to my local Firestone for a routine oil change. I drive a lot for work, so my car was roughly 22,000 miles overdue for it. Got the car in quickly, and by 9:30 in the A.M. I'm sitting in the waiting room reading my Champions Magazine without a care in the world. Get the oil change, head home, and steam clean me some carpet. I live on the edge, bitches!
A normal oil change would cost me about twenty bucks. By the time I drove my car home that day, I had forked over $1376.31.
That's right. ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-SIX DOLLARS AND THIRTY-ONE CENTS.
See, my little car needed some additional work. Such as, you ask? Well, here's a little list.
1. Oil Change
2. Ball joints (both lower front)-this was over three hundred dollars, which is still cheaper than the last time somebody worked over my ball joints (entendre alert! entendre alert!)
3. Lifetime alignment at about $150. Now, I'm no expert. I could notice that my car's alignment was off simply because whenever I let go of the wheel whilst driving, I'd make a right turn. But a lifetime alignment is one of those things that the mechanic mentions and I just nod along with so I don't seem like a jerkass.
4. Struts at over six hundred bills. I can strut for the cost of one embarrassed look of my wife, but these bad boys hurt the wallet.
5. Two new tires for the back o' the car at a tad over $130. Good deal actually. A few weeks back whilst working in Goshen, I got a flat on my front driver tire. I had to have that replaced, seeing as I was sixty miles from home without a friend in the world. I got both front tires replaced that day, since the other one was flatter than a girl in kindergarten. I knew the back tires would need replacing soon, as there was more rubber in my gloves than on the tire.
6. Labor of almost $500. Can't complain about that, as the ten minute oil change turned into a six hour workday on my Mercury Tracer for the guy.
All told, not the best news to get two days after Christmas. We're by no means rich, so a $1376.31 oil change hurts the bank account a bit. Not to mention just having got two new front tires weeks ago, and having to replace both my headlights last week (as they both went out in the span of a day-driving to work before dawn with no lights is fun, kids!)
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL! 2007 wasn't done whuppin' my pasty white ass. Saturday night I suddenly, out of nowhere, got the shits. The runny shits. The squirty, runny shits. The "painting the toilet brown" squirty runny shits. I wasn't too concerned, as usually they last about a day before letting my buttocks rest. Four days later, I was still rushing to the toilet every ten to fifteen minutes hoping to get it in the bowl and not in my pants. Especially since we're working on potty training Jude, and Daddy is always bragging how big boys don't poop their pants.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S STILL MORE! 2007 wanted one last laugh. So on New Year's Eve we got hit with a winter storm that dumped at least eight inches of snow on the ground. January 1st I began the year by getting out the snow thrower. Unfortunately for me, my best little friend doesn't work if the snow is that high. It just keeps clogging up the throw chute, meaning that I get to stop every foot (literally) and push a massive cylinder of snow out before moving. Eventually, I gave in and shoveled for the first time since 2005. I quickly remembered why I bought the snow thrower, as the shoveling of my walks, the neighbors walk, and the two driveways hurt the old back. Luckily for me (sarcasm intended) we got another two to three inches during the day, so I was back out there before dinner throwing snow again. This time, the thrower worked and I was done in a matter of minutes. It took about 90 minutes the first time by hand. I was laughing maniacally and singing out loud the praises of snow throwers as the white shit flew out that chute (and into my face).
So 2007 is truly over now, and life will get better. In 2008 my wife and I will celebrate eight years of knowing each other, seven years of marriage, Jude's fourth birthday, Sullivan's first, and our thirty-fourth.
There will be some great footballing moments as Manchester United chase EPL title number ten and DC United chase MLS crown number five. Euro 2008 is on this summer, and all games are live on the ESPN channels. Plus the USA begins qualifying for World Cup 2010.
It should be a fun year.
CHRISTMAS was good here. A lot of traveling over the three days, but we spent quality time with family and got a lot of cool gifts. My faves include: 2007 Man United home jersey, Worldwide Soccer Manager 2008 PC game, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Season One DVD set, Honeymooners Complete Series DVD set, Blade Runner: The Final Cut DVD, The Simpsons Movie DVD, some clothes, and gift cards. Happy was I.
So enough whining about last year, and Dung is looking forward to this year. I'll leave you with some words from Jude's mouth.
After I explained that Mommy and Daddy got married because we love each other, Jude looked up at me and asked, "Can I marry you Daddy? I love you."
Be Seeing You.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Rumors of My Blog's Death, Though Extremely Hoped For, Are Greatly Exaggerated
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: Still the Wiggles. Damn you to hell, catchy tunes! Also, some Sigur Ros. I like music that goes on forever in a language that no human has ever spoken sung melodically.
WHAT I'M READING: More Chomsky. I'm a Chomskyite. Plus, it's not the kind of book you can breeze through on the toilet, where I do my best reading, thinking, and work.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Football a-plenty! Plus, some MMA and some Twin Peaks Season Two.
SO here I am again, only one month since my last post. Life's busy. Two kids plus a wife and a full-time job means little time for the simple pleasures, such as bathing, shaving, and blogging.
Here's a few tidbits to give you your fill for now during this holiday season:
1. MLS Cup 2007 was an excellent game, won by Houston Dynamo. Houston becomes only the second team to ever repeat, and have a real shot at three-peating next year if they keep the team together. Good footballing squad. One of the top three best MLS Cups ever.
2. After the MLS season ended, I could no longer hold out and got my Setanta Sports channel back. Just too much awesome footie action to miss. Now, most weekends I am DVRing eight to nine Premiership games, plus one or two from Spain. I'm pumped, because this weekend all ten Premier League games are on between Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta. Not to mention Boxing Day on Wednesday, which means more EPL action satisfaction for me.
3. Got the big vasectomy last Friday. Surprisingly, it was painless. I felt nothing. Highly recommend it, especially if your insurance covers all but fifteen bucks of the cost like mine did. Big ups to my doc for a good job. I did get a hellacious leg cramp that night, but me thinks it was unrelated. Vasectomy is an odd thing, because it's the lazy surgery. I feel no pain, but am still on restricted lifting duty. We got five/six inches of snow overnight Saturday, and I felt like I could go out there and snow blow it back to hell, but didn't want to take the risk. Brother Dung came over and shoveled for me (we were shopping, or else I would have let him save his back and use the blower). It's a very odd thing. But I don't want my balls to swell up like cantaloupes for the next month, so I'm listening to the doctors orders.
4. Christmas is less than a week away now. I can't wait. Sunday we go to my mom's for the annual visit with her family. Monday is up North to my father-in-law's. Tuesday is up North again to my mother-in-law's. Good times, good food, good fun. I love it. Just crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates. No snow, bro!
5. Speaking of Christmas, tomorrow is my annual wrapping day. I sit here by myself surrounded by presents, wrapping paper, scissors, tape, a strong desire to succeed, and my unique abilities to beatbox like a white mofo.
6. How's this for a kick in the balls? I'm not a gamer, but I do enjoy a PC game called Worldwide Soccer Manager 2007. It's a management simulation game, in that you are a soccer manager (can choose from every club on Planet Football) and that's it. You do all the things a manager would do, but come game day, you sit back and let your players play the game. You can choose the lineup, set the tactics, make the subs. But you can't go out there and play the game. I love it. Very fun, but frustrating when the bastards lose.
Anywho, my team is currently in a minor slump. Lost three in a row without scoring. Fourth game they scored, but still lost. Afterwards, my club chairman called me out, in the press, for being unprofessional.
That's right. A computer person just smack-talked me.
Gotta run, the boy is waking up. Be back sooner this time (that IS a threat!)
Be seeing you.
WHAT I'M READING: More Chomsky. I'm a Chomskyite. Plus, it's not the kind of book you can breeze through on the toilet, where I do my best reading, thinking, and work.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Football a-plenty! Plus, some MMA and some Twin Peaks Season Two.
SO here I am again, only one month since my last post. Life's busy. Two kids plus a wife and a full-time job means little time for the simple pleasures, such as bathing, shaving, and blogging.
Here's a few tidbits to give you your fill for now during this holiday season:
1. MLS Cup 2007 was an excellent game, won by Houston Dynamo. Houston becomes only the second team to ever repeat, and have a real shot at three-peating next year if they keep the team together. Good footballing squad. One of the top three best MLS Cups ever.
2. After the MLS season ended, I could no longer hold out and got my Setanta Sports channel back. Just too much awesome footie action to miss. Now, most weekends I am DVRing eight to nine Premiership games, plus one or two from Spain. I'm pumped, because this weekend all ten Premier League games are on between Fox Soccer Channel and Setanta. Not to mention Boxing Day on Wednesday, which means more EPL action satisfaction for me.
3. Got the big vasectomy last Friday. Surprisingly, it was painless. I felt nothing. Highly recommend it, especially if your insurance covers all but fifteen bucks of the cost like mine did. Big ups to my doc for a good job. I did get a hellacious leg cramp that night, but me thinks it was unrelated. Vasectomy is an odd thing, because it's the lazy surgery. I feel no pain, but am still on restricted lifting duty. We got five/six inches of snow overnight Saturday, and I felt like I could go out there and snow blow it back to hell, but didn't want to take the risk. Brother Dung came over and shoveled for me (we were shopping, or else I would have let him save his back and use the blower). It's a very odd thing. But I don't want my balls to swell up like cantaloupes for the next month, so I'm listening to the doctors orders.
4. Christmas is less than a week away now. I can't wait. Sunday we go to my mom's for the annual visit with her family. Monday is up North to my father-in-law's. Tuesday is up North again to my mother-in-law's. Good times, good food, good fun. I love it. Just crossing my fingers that the weather cooperates. No snow, bro!
5. Speaking of Christmas, tomorrow is my annual wrapping day. I sit here by myself surrounded by presents, wrapping paper, scissors, tape, a strong desire to succeed, and my unique abilities to beatbox like a white mofo.
6. How's this for a kick in the balls? I'm not a gamer, but I do enjoy a PC game called Worldwide Soccer Manager 2007. It's a management simulation game, in that you are a soccer manager (can choose from every club on Planet Football) and that's it. You do all the things a manager would do, but come game day, you sit back and let your players play the game. You can choose the lineup, set the tactics, make the subs. But you can't go out there and play the game. I love it. Very fun, but frustrating when the bastards lose.
Anywho, my team is currently in a minor slump. Lost three in a row without scoring. Fourth game they scored, but still lost. Afterwards, my club chairman called me out, in the press, for being unprofessional.
That's right. A computer person just smack-talked me.
Gotta run, the boy is waking up. Be back sooner this time (that IS a threat!)
Be seeing you.
Friday, November 16, 2007
MLS Cup 2007
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of the soundtrack to The Fountain, as it's the first CD I bought in 2007.
WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Time to hit the library.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, this Sunday it's MLS Cup 2007 (more down below). Also hitting X-Files Season 3 really hard with Sullivan.
Late nights, long days, and lots of chores to do. It's my life these last few weeks since the birth of Sullivan, and I'm loving it.
I usually stay up to about 1 in the morning, letting my wife get her much needed rest every night. So the little baby and I are watching some DVD's, such as X-Files.
But this coming Sunday is the big one for me in American sports. My Super Bowl (only exciting), my World Series (only exciting), my NBA Finals (only...you get the point). Yes, it's the twelfth annual Major League Soccer championship game, the MLS Cup.
A sad one for me, as my United fell out earlier, and the game is at their home stadium. It would have been awesome if they made it, as it would have guaranteed a sellout and a rocking crowd.
But, alas, it didn't happen. Instead, much as I predicted last time, it's a rematch of last year's game. Houston Dynamo (defending champions) versus New England Revolution (three time losers making their third straight final appearance). Last year, they played 120 minutes for a one-one draw and went to the dreaded PK's (MLS Cup first, dammit!) before Houston won.
Here's how I see it going down. I expect a decent crowd. I'll go with 39,000 (seating for 47,000 at RFK). I see it heading to extra-time again tied at nil-nil. Hard to bet against that when you consider that New England has been in three previous Cup finals, and all were nil-nil at the end of full-time. The Revs just pack it in too much and hope to hit on the counter, but they don't. I see Houston winning it one-nil, with a very late goal (I'll say between minutes 107 and 115) from Joseph Ngwenya.
Interesting stories here, as if Houston wins, they become the first repeat champions since DC United in 1996 & 1997. If New England wins, it's a first title in four attempts.
I think it will be an okay game, but with New England in there, I don't see a lot of offensive chances.
Also next week is Thanksgiving. Huge turkey dinners on Sunday and two on Thursday. I'm loving me some turkey!
Gobble Gobble, baby!
And I'll close with the Jude quote of the week (actually about two weeks old now):
Jude is watching the Wiggles, which he loves. Suddenly, he turns to me and asks "Daddy, what do the Wiggles smell like?"
If only I knew.
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Nothing right now. Time to hit the library.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Well, this Sunday it's MLS Cup 2007 (more down below). Also hitting X-Files Season 3 really hard with Sullivan.
Late nights, long days, and lots of chores to do. It's my life these last few weeks since the birth of Sullivan, and I'm loving it.
I usually stay up to about 1 in the morning, letting my wife get her much needed rest every night. So the little baby and I are watching some DVD's, such as X-Files.
But this coming Sunday is the big one for me in American sports. My Super Bowl (only exciting), my World Series (only exciting), my NBA Finals (only...you get the point). Yes, it's the twelfth annual Major League Soccer championship game, the MLS Cup.
A sad one for me, as my United fell out earlier, and the game is at their home stadium. It would have been awesome if they made it, as it would have guaranteed a sellout and a rocking crowd.
But, alas, it didn't happen. Instead, much as I predicted last time, it's a rematch of last year's game. Houston Dynamo (defending champions) versus New England Revolution (three time losers making their third straight final appearance). Last year, they played 120 minutes for a one-one draw and went to the dreaded PK's (MLS Cup first, dammit!) before Houston won.
Here's how I see it going down. I expect a decent crowd. I'll go with 39,000 (seating for 47,000 at RFK). I see it heading to extra-time again tied at nil-nil. Hard to bet against that when you consider that New England has been in three previous Cup finals, and all were nil-nil at the end of full-time. The Revs just pack it in too much and hope to hit on the counter, but they don't. I see Houston winning it one-nil, with a very late goal (I'll say between minutes 107 and 115) from Joseph Ngwenya.
Interesting stories here, as if Houston wins, they become the first repeat champions since DC United in 1996 & 1997. If New England wins, it's a first title in four attempts.
I think it will be an okay game, but with New England in there, I don't see a lot of offensive chances.
Also next week is Thanksgiving. Huge turkey dinners on Sunday and two on Thursday. I'm loving me some turkey!
Gobble Gobble, baby!
And I'll close with the Jude quote of the week (actually about two weeks old now):
Jude is watching the Wiggles, which he loves. Suddenly, he turns to me and asks "Daddy, what do the Wiggles smell like?"
If only I knew.
Be Seeing You.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Another Cupa Another Cupa Another Cupa This Damn Song!
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: The Wiggles hit album "Wiggly Wiggly World" and the awesome soundtrack to 2006's best movie The Fountain.
WHAT I'M READING: Some Noam Chomsky. A like this guy a lot. He's intelligent beyond belief and uses that intelligence to form a worldview that isn't compromised by political ideology. Above all else, he's not a hypocrite, and has made his life a mission against hypocrisy. Also, my latest edition of MajorLeagueSoccer magazine.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Watched the Contender Season Three finale last night. A helluva fight. Usually, championship fights and games tend to be a let down, because the fighters (or teams) are more cautious than usual because everything is on the line. These two fighters went out there to simply box. Also had the MLS first round second leg games this past weekend. And I watched the exceptional documentary "No End in Sight". Go rent it now. Awesome documentary work.
A BIT OF THIS, A BIT OF THAT...
Hitting on a few different things as it's been awhile.
1. Halloween came and went. Had a ton o' fun with my boy Jude. He dressed as a firefighter. We traveled up to the Great White North of southwest Michigan to trick-or-treat in a land where kids still come out in droves for free candy. Saw some very good costumes and some cute kids. Last year, the wife and I came up with some ground rules for Trick-or-Treating. If you are old enough to smoke, you're too old to do it. If you're old enough to drive yourself around, you're too old to do it. I got a new one this year. If I can look at a trick-or-treater and think "nice ass" without being a pedophile, the trick-or-treater is too old. But, in my defense, he had a great ass.
2. My big boy Jude has gone Wiggles crazy. More to the point, he's gone cuckoo for the album (and DVD) Wiggly Wiggly World. We checked it out from the library for three weeks, listening non-stop in the car. Especially track fifteen, which is "Another Cuppa" all about Captain Feathersword's unfortunate addiction to Dorothy's rosy tea. He won't drink anything else. He just keeps asking for another cuppa another cuppa another cuppa another cuppa rosy tea. That's pretty much the whole tune, strung out over four minutes. I'll give it this: it's a good song. But when you've heard it roughly 5,000 times in 21 days, you start to go nuts. So the three weeks was up and we took it back. We checked out another Wiggles CD, which Jude hated. So we went back two days later, and Jude wanted Wiggly Wiggly World again. I caved in, because I'm an easy mark of a father. Not only did we get it for ANOTHER three weeks, but we also checked out the DVD version of it. So I was getting Another cuppa Another cuppa Another cuppa in my car everywhere we went, plus seeing it on the TV twice a day.
But Jude loves it, so what can you do.
I have got him to branch out into other tracks on the disc. Which leads us to...
3. My boy is silly, and has some odd opinions. One of the guest singers on the CD is a chap by the name of Jimmy Little. Jude asked who it was. I said Jimmy Little. He informed me that he didn't like Jimmy Little. Later on, he retracted that, stating for the record that he liked Jimmy Little "some times". Today on the way to daycare, Jude informed me, in these words, that he didn't like Jimmy Little.
"You don't like Jimmy?" I asked.
"Not so much," my three-year old said.
On the way up north for Halloween, to preserve my sanity, we listened to grown up music like Leonard Cohen. Jude listened for roughly half a song before declaring he didn't like it. Two songs in, he was crying.
"What's wrong, Juders?" I asked.
"I'm sad."
"Why?"
"This song is boring me," he answered through tears.
I picked him up from daycare with the classic "Burning for You" in the CD player. Jude heard two guitar strums before shouting out how much he hated it.
4. Jude's latest obsession is the classic film "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", which he has renamed "Charlie". It's a great one. It has also brought me to a decision that will improve my life.
I want a Oompa-Loompa.
See, whenever Willy wants something done, he just plays a little tune on his flute thingy and some midget with an orange face and green hair pops up out of nowhere to do his every bidding. How cool would that be? Imagine playing flute and some midget pops up.
"Get me some Arby's," I'd say.
or
"Put the laundry away."
That would be great. Plus, they don't talk back, but they do sing cool little songs. And the choreography!
Life would be so much better with a green-haired androgynous midget doing everything for me.
5. Well, I got 3 out of 4 in my MLS playoff predictions. I did pick Kansas City, New England, and Houston. But my beloved DC United fell to Chicago, again. I should have called it, and was thinking it. But there's this little voice in my head saying that a loyal fan wouldn't predict his team to lose. So for the fourth time, Chicago knocks DC out. Seven games played, five losses and two ties. Outscored thirteen to two (at least DC finally burst their scoring cherry after 3,000 scoreless minutes). Since I had United winning the whole thing, I'm wrong there. I'm also incorrect in predicting the MLS Cup finalists after two years of calling it before the season started.
That sets up New England Revolution hosting Chicago Fire Thursday night on ESPN2 and Houston Dynamo hosting Kansas City Wizards Saturday night on Fox Soccer Channel. Conference finals are one game affairs, so the winners go on to the MLS Cup. Tough call in the East, as it should be very close. I'm gonna go with the Revs beating the Fire one-nil. I like Houston's chances at home, and see them winning two-nil. That would set up a MLS Cup rematch between New England and Houston, the first time two teams met in successive years. Should be exciting.
THE DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE:
ABC-1
ESPN2-26
Fox Soccer Channel-22
Direct Kick-71
That's 71 games for $79, or $1.11 per game for the year. No more DK games this season. What a helluva bargain!
With only three games left, I'm just gonna finish out the chart here.
ABC-2 (MLS Cup will be on)
ESPN2-27 (Eastern Conference final on)
Fox Soccer Channel-23 (Western Conference final on)
Direct Kick-71 (all done)
So that will end up being 123 games this season. A very good year for MLS.
That's all I got for now.
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Some Noam Chomsky. A like this guy a lot. He's intelligent beyond belief and uses that intelligence to form a worldview that isn't compromised by political ideology. Above all else, he's not a hypocrite, and has made his life a mission against hypocrisy. Also, my latest edition of MajorLeagueSoccer magazine.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Watched the Contender Season Three finale last night. A helluva fight. Usually, championship fights and games tend to be a let down, because the fighters (or teams) are more cautious than usual because everything is on the line. These two fighters went out there to simply box. Also had the MLS first round second leg games this past weekend. And I watched the exceptional documentary "No End in Sight". Go rent it now. Awesome documentary work.
A BIT OF THIS, A BIT OF THAT...
Hitting on a few different things as it's been awhile.
1. Halloween came and went. Had a ton o' fun with my boy Jude. He dressed as a firefighter. We traveled up to the Great White North of southwest Michigan to trick-or-treat in a land where kids still come out in droves for free candy. Saw some very good costumes and some cute kids. Last year, the wife and I came up with some ground rules for Trick-or-Treating. If you are old enough to smoke, you're too old to do it. If you're old enough to drive yourself around, you're too old to do it. I got a new one this year. If I can look at a trick-or-treater and think "nice ass" without being a pedophile, the trick-or-treater is too old. But, in my defense, he had a great ass.
2. My big boy Jude has gone Wiggles crazy. More to the point, he's gone cuckoo for the album (and DVD) Wiggly Wiggly World. We checked it out from the library for three weeks, listening non-stop in the car. Especially track fifteen, which is "Another Cuppa" all about Captain Feathersword's unfortunate addiction to Dorothy's rosy tea. He won't drink anything else. He just keeps asking for another cuppa another cuppa another cuppa another cuppa rosy tea. That's pretty much the whole tune, strung out over four minutes. I'll give it this: it's a good song. But when you've heard it roughly 5,000 times in 21 days, you start to go nuts. So the three weeks was up and we took it back. We checked out another Wiggles CD, which Jude hated. So we went back two days later, and Jude wanted Wiggly Wiggly World again. I caved in, because I'm an easy mark of a father. Not only did we get it for ANOTHER three weeks, but we also checked out the DVD version of it. So I was getting Another cuppa Another cuppa Another cuppa in my car everywhere we went, plus seeing it on the TV twice a day.
But Jude loves it, so what can you do.
I have got him to branch out into other tracks on the disc. Which leads us to...
3. My boy is silly, and has some odd opinions. One of the guest singers on the CD is a chap by the name of Jimmy Little. Jude asked who it was. I said Jimmy Little. He informed me that he didn't like Jimmy Little. Later on, he retracted that, stating for the record that he liked Jimmy Little "some times". Today on the way to daycare, Jude informed me, in these words, that he didn't like Jimmy Little.
"You don't like Jimmy?" I asked.
"Not so much," my three-year old said.
On the way up north for Halloween, to preserve my sanity, we listened to grown up music like Leonard Cohen. Jude listened for roughly half a song before declaring he didn't like it. Two songs in, he was crying.
"What's wrong, Juders?" I asked.
"I'm sad."
"Why?"
"This song is boring me," he answered through tears.
I picked him up from daycare with the classic "Burning for You" in the CD player. Jude heard two guitar strums before shouting out how much he hated it.
4. Jude's latest obsession is the classic film "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", which he has renamed "Charlie". It's a great one. It has also brought me to a decision that will improve my life.
I want a Oompa-Loompa.
See, whenever Willy wants something done, he just plays a little tune on his flute thingy and some midget with an orange face and green hair pops up out of nowhere to do his every bidding. How cool would that be? Imagine playing flute and some midget pops up.
"Get me some Arby's," I'd say.
or
"Put the laundry away."
That would be great. Plus, they don't talk back, but they do sing cool little songs. And the choreography!
Life would be so much better with a green-haired androgynous midget doing everything for me.
5. Well, I got 3 out of 4 in my MLS playoff predictions. I did pick Kansas City, New England, and Houston. But my beloved DC United fell to Chicago, again. I should have called it, and was thinking it. But there's this little voice in my head saying that a loyal fan wouldn't predict his team to lose. So for the fourth time, Chicago knocks DC out. Seven games played, five losses and two ties. Outscored thirteen to two (at least DC finally burst their scoring cherry after 3,000 scoreless minutes). Since I had United winning the whole thing, I'm wrong there. I'm also incorrect in predicting the MLS Cup finalists after two years of calling it before the season started.
That sets up New England Revolution hosting Chicago Fire Thursday night on ESPN2 and Houston Dynamo hosting Kansas City Wizards Saturday night on Fox Soccer Channel. Conference finals are one game affairs, so the winners go on to the MLS Cup. Tough call in the East, as it should be very close. I'm gonna go with the Revs beating the Fire one-nil. I like Houston's chances at home, and see them winning two-nil. That would set up a MLS Cup rematch between New England and Houston, the first time two teams met in successive years. Should be exciting.
THE DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE:
ABC-1
ESPN2-26
Fox Soccer Channel-22
Direct Kick-71
That's 71 games for $79, or $1.11 per game for the year. No more DK games this season. What a helluva bargain!
With only three games left, I'm just gonna finish out the chart here.
ABC-2 (MLS Cup will be on)
ESPN2-27 (Eastern Conference final on)
Fox Soccer Channel-23 (Western Conference final on)
Direct Kick-71 (all done)
So that will end up being 123 games this season. A very good year for MLS.
That's all I got for now.
Be Seeing You.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Quest for the Cup Is Here (And I Was Kinda Right For Once!)
EASTERN CONFERENCE#1 DC United v. #4 Chicago Fire#2 New England Revolution v. #3 New York Red Bulls
EASTERN CONFERENCE FINAL#1 DC United v. #3 New York Red Bulls
EASTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: DC United (who else?)
WESTERN CONFERENCE#1 Houston Dynamo v. #4 Colorado Rapids#2 Los Angeles Galaxy v. #3 FC Dallas
WESTERN CONFERENCE FINAL#1 Houston Dynamo v. #2 Los Angeles Galaxy
Now, in my original prediction I had this as the MLS Cup final, with the Galaxy winning. However, that was a different situation. I think in a one-off cup final at a neutral spot that the Galaxy would win. But a one-off conference final at the Dynamo's home stadium, I like their chances better.
WESTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: Houston Dynamo
MLS CUP 2007DC United v. Houston Dynamo
MLS CUP CHAMPIONS: DC United
Hate to jinx my club by picking them to win it all (for the fifth time, suckas!), but it's so very hard to repeat in MLS. Only one club has ever done it (hint-same team that will win it in 2007).So there it is. Read it, weep, wipe your eyes, than chuckle at my thinking I can call the MLS Cup final three years in a row.Be seeing you.
The above is copied from my early April blog on MLS Predictions Revisions. I re-post this, because how awesome am I? Way back before the first ball was even kicked, I called the six of the eight playoff clubs, and got the entire Eastern Conference first round correct.
Seeing how awesome I am, it's time to make my playoff predictions. Remember, I have correctly called the MLS Cup finalists the last two years (we won't talk about my picking the winner incorrectly). Here it goes:
EASTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFFS:
DC United v. Chicago Fire
This is a tough one. United comes in having only lost once in fourteen games. They also won the Supporters Shield for the second year in a row (a league first). However, United have always fumbled against the Fire. At MLS Cup 1998, Chicago beat DC two-nil. In the 2003 playoffs, Chicago beat DC two-nil in both legs, for a four-nil aggregate victory. In the 2005 playoffs, Chicago drew DC nil-nil in the first leg, than beat DC four-nil in the second. So in five playoff games, Chicago has beaten DC 10-nil. Chicago has looked good under new coach Osario and star signging Blanco. This will be a interesting series. But in the end, I gotta stay true to my guys.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll say 3-2 on aggregate)
New England Revolution v. New York Red Bulls
Should be good. It would be good for MLS if New York could actually win a playoff series. But I don't see it happening here. Defense is too suspect, and Revs are always tough. Hell, they've been to the Eastern Conference finals the last 5 years in a row! I originally predicted New York to win here, but I'm officially going with...
MY PICK: New England Revolution (I'll say 4-2 on aggregate)
WESTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFFS
Club Deportivo Chivas USA v. Kansas City Wizards
Chivas USA had a great year, finishing first in the West. Especially when you consider I had them not even making the playoffs. I was wrong. Preki has done a good job as coach and has a very strong, attacking team with perhaps the best goalkeeper in MLS right now in Brad Guzan. KC started strong, but faded around the mid-season. They just made it in on the final game. I like Onalfo, and I like his attacking mindset. This will be, to me, the best first round series. It's tough to call, especially with Chivas losing Ante Razov to a knee injury. There's always one upset in the first round, and I'm taking a shot here.
MY PICK: Kansas City Wizards (I'll say 3-2 on aggregate)
Houston Dynamo v. FC Dallas
The battle of Texas. I don't think it will be close. Dallas looked good at the start, but this team has stumbled lately. Dynamo are the defending champions and have been strong since May. It won't really be close.
MY PICK: Houston Dynamo (I'll say 4-1 on aggregate)
CONFERENCE FINALS:
EAST
DC United v. New England Revolution
United played strong the entire second half. Revs are always strong. A rematch from last year, at the same site. A great crowd should be enough to help my boys advance. I really don't want the Revs back in MLS Cup, even if they weren't playing DC. Three times they've made it there. All three MLS Cups were nil-nil at the end of regulation (only time it's ever happened; thanks Revs!). All three went deep into stoppage before getting a goal. They just suck the life out of a cup final. I'm backing my club.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll go with 2-1)
Houston Dynamo v. Kansas City Wizards
Interesting. I still think the defending MLS Champions are a strong, safe bet to get back to the big game. KC will prove a challenge, but falter in the end.
MY PICK: Houston Dynamo (I'll go with 2-nil)
MLS CUP 2007
DC United v. Houston Dynamo
A sold-out RFK will be rocking for the homeside. In MLS' entire twelve year history, only two teams have played MLS Cup on their homefield. Revs in 2002 and United in 1997. This is a strong United team, with great fan support. Only one club has ever repeated as MLS Champions (DC, of course, in 1996 & 1997), and I don't see Houston doing it.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll go with 2-1)
There you go. Official picks from the guy with the Midas touch. Remember, last two MLS Cups I called it BEFORE the season even started (Revs v. Houston & Revs v. Galaxy), and this year I did call a United-Dynamo Cup.
Bank on it!
DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE
ABC-1
ESPN2-24
FSC-20
Direct Kick-67
Regular season is now over, but the playoffs are on the way. So, 67 games watched for $79, or $1.18 per game. What a steal!
Be Seeing You.
EASTERN CONFERENCE FINAL#1 DC United v. #3 New York Red Bulls
EASTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: DC United (who else?)
WESTERN CONFERENCE#1 Houston Dynamo v. #4 Colorado Rapids#2 Los Angeles Galaxy v. #3 FC Dallas
WESTERN CONFERENCE FINAL#1 Houston Dynamo v. #2 Los Angeles Galaxy
Now, in my original prediction I had this as the MLS Cup final, with the Galaxy winning. However, that was a different situation. I think in a one-off cup final at a neutral spot that the Galaxy would win. But a one-off conference final at the Dynamo's home stadium, I like their chances better.
WESTERN CONFERENCE CHAMPIONS: Houston Dynamo
MLS CUP 2007DC United v. Houston Dynamo
MLS CUP CHAMPIONS: DC United
Hate to jinx my club by picking them to win it all (for the fifth time, suckas!), but it's so very hard to repeat in MLS. Only one club has ever done it (hint-same team that will win it in 2007).So there it is. Read it, weep, wipe your eyes, than chuckle at my thinking I can call the MLS Cup final three years in a row.Be seeing you.
The above is copied from my early April blog on MLS Predictions Revisions. I re-post this, because how awesome am I? Way back before the first ball was even kicked, I called the six of the eight playoff clubs, and got the entire Eastern Conference first round correct.
Seeing how awesome I am, it's time to make my playoff predictions. Remember, I have correctly called the MLS Cup finalists the last two years (we won't talk about my picking the winner incorrectly). Here it goes:
EASTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFFS:
DC United v. Chicago Fire
This is a tough one. United comes in having only lost once in fourteen games. They also won the Supporters Shield for the second year in a row (a league first). However, United have always fumbled against the Fire. At MLS Cup 1998, Chicago beat DC two-nil. In the 2003 playoffs, Chicago beat DC two-nil in both legs, for a four-nil aggregate victory. In the 2005 playoffs, Chicago drew DC nil-nil in the first leg, than beat DC four-nil in the second. So in five playoff games, Chicago has beaten DC 10-nil. Chicago has looked good under new coach Osario and star signging Blanco. This will be a interesting series. But in the end, I gotta stay true to my guys.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll say 3-2 on aggregate)
New England Revolution v. New York Red Bulls
Should be good. It would be good for MLS if New York could actually win a playoff series. But I don't see it happening here. Defense is too suspect, and Revs are always tough. Hell, they've been to the Eastern Conference finals the last 5 years in a row! I originally predicted New York to win here, but I'm officially going with...
MY PICK: New England Revolution (I'll say 4-2 on aggregate)
WESTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFFS
Club Deportivo Chivas USA v. Kansas City Wizards
Chivas USA had a great year, finishing first in the West. Especially when you consider I had them not even making the playoffs. I was wrong. Preki has done a good job as coach and has a very strong, attacking team with perhaps the best goalkeeper in MLS right now in Brad Guzan. KC started strong, but faded around the mid-season. They just made it in on the final game. I like Onalfo, and I like his attacking mindset. This will be, to me, the best first round series. It's tough to call, especially with Chivas losing Ante Razov to a knee injury. There's always one upset in the first round, and I'm taking a shot here.
MY PICK: Kansas City Wizards (I'll say 3-2 on aggregate)
Houston Dynamo v. FC Dallas
The battle of Texas. I don't think it will be close. Dallas looked good at the start, but this team has stumbled lately. Dynamo are the defending champions and have been strong since May. It won't really be close.
MY PICK: Houston Dynamo (I'll say 4-1 on aggregate)
CONFERENCE FINALS:
EAST
DC United v. New England Revolution
United played strong the entire second half. Revs are always strong. A rematch from last year, at the same site. A great crowd should be enough to help my boys advance. I really don't want the Revs back in MLS Cup, even if they weren't playing DC. Three times they've made it there. All three MLS Cups were nil-nil at the end of regulation (only time it's ever happened; thanks Revs!). All three went deep into stoppage before getting a goal. They just suck the life out of a cup final. I'm backing my club.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll go with 2-1)
Houston Dynamo v. Kansas City Wizards
Interesting. I still think the defending MLS Champions are a strong, safe bet to get back to the big game. KC will prove a challenge, but falter in the end.
MY PICK: Houston Dynamo (I'll go with 2-nil)
MLS CUP 2007
DC United v. Houston Dynamo
A sold-out RFK will be rocking for the homeside. In MLS' entire twelve year history, only two teams have played MLS Cup on their homefield. Revs in 2002 and United in 1997. This is a strong United team, with great fan support. Only one club has ever repeated as MLS Champions (DC, of course, in 1996 & 1997), and I don't see Houston doing it.
MY PICK: DC United (I'll go with 2-1)
There you go. Official picks from the guy with the Midas touch. Remember, last two MLS Cups I called it BEFORE the season even started (Revs v. Houston & Revs v. Galaxy), and this year I did call a United-Dynamo Cup.
Bank on it!
DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE
ABC-1
ESPN2-24
FSC-20
Direct Kick-67
Regular season is now over, but the playoffs are on the way. So, 67 games watched for $79, or $1.18 per game. What a steal!
Be Seeing You.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Two in One!
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: The same. It's only been two hours, people!
WHAT I'M READING: Ditto.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Just finished the Thursday night MLS Primetime game on ESPN2. Great game betwixt New York Red Bulls and Los Angeles Galaxy.
YOU say you love you some movie awards, even ten months past due? Then have I got the thing for you! Check out this link, bitches. http://jeffawards.blogstream.com/
That takes you to my other blog, the even less visited Jeff Awards. What are the Jeff Awards you ask with absolutely no caring in your voice? Well, I love me some movies. And I love movie awards. I also like pizza, soccer, and sex with my wife. But those are all different blogs. Check out these links if that interests you:
http://jefflikeypizzapies.blogstream.com/
http://jeffloveshimsomesoccer.blogstream.com/
http://jefflovesdoggystyle.blogstream.com/
(not real blogs)
Every year I compile a list of 100 films to watch from the previous calendar year. I watch the 100 movies, some with the wife. After I've viewed 100 movies (this year it took roughly nine months) I list my Jeff Award nominees on the other blog (g'head, check it out-that baby's collecting dust). I watch the five best films one more time before deciding on the winners. I post them and prove that if a tree falls in the forest nobody will care. Not at all.
But I enjoy it, so there. Besides, it's my blog, and I'm one of the two people on Earth who read it. So 50% of my readers love those darn Jeff Awards.
BABY NOTES:
I haven't actually studied every baby ever, but I'm ready to declare our new son Sullivan the single gasiest baby ever. It seems he's always farting. Much more than Jude did (we had to bribe those farts to make an appearance). He's still cute though.
DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE:
Because I promised it, and because you don't give a damn, here it is!
ABC-1
ESPN2-24
FSC-20
Direct Kick-64
So that's 64 games for $79, or $1.23 per game. We are entering the final weekend of the MLS season, and there are some big games on the plate. DC United, Club Deportivo Chivas USA, New England Revolution, Houston Dynamo, New York Red Bulls, and FC Dallas have already qualified. Toronto FC and Real Salt Lake are already out. The final two playoff spots are up for grabs and will be decided by Sunday afternoon. Chicago Fire, Kansas City Wizards, Columbus Crew, Colorado Rapids, and Los Angeles Galaxy are going for them.
It's gonna be good. Four games on the DVR Saturday. Playoffs start next Thursday. DC United have already clinched the Supporter's Shield as the overall points champion this season. First team to do it two years in a row. They've also clinched home field advantage, which is huge. After that first playoff game on the road, they'll be home the rest of the way as long as they are in it, with MLS Cup 2007 being at RFK.
San Jose Earthquakes will be coming back to MLS in 2008, and it looks like Seattle will have a club in 2009. Also seems like Portland and St. Louis are closer to getting into MLS.
Great time to be a fan of Major League Soccer. Potential is there for the best playoffs ever!
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M READING: Ditto.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: Just finished the Thursday night MLS Primetime game on ESPN2. Great game betwixt New York Red Bulls and Los Angeles Galaxy.
YOU say you love you some movie awards, even ten months past due? Then have I got the thing for you! Check out this link, bitches. http://jeffawards.blogstream.com/
That takes you to my other blog, the even less visited Jeff Awards. What are the Jeff Awards you ask with absolutely no caring in your voice? Well, I love me some movies. And I love movie awards. I also like pizza, soccer, and sex with my wife. But those are all different blogs. Check out these links if that interests you:
http://jefflikeypizzapies.blogstream.com/
http://jeffloveshimsomesoccer.blogstream.com/
http://jefflovesdoggystyle.blogstream.com/
(not real blogs)
Every year I compile a list of 100 films to watch from the previous calendar year. I watch the 100 movies, some with the wife. After I've viewed 100 movies (this year it took roughly nine months) I list my Jeff Award nominees on the other blog (g'head, check it out-that baby's collecting dust). I watch the five best films one more time before deciding on the winners. I post them and prove that if a tree falls in the forest nobody will care. Not at all.
But I enjoy it, so there. Besides, it's my blog, and I'm one of the two people on Earth who read it. So 50% of my readers love those darn Jeff Awards.
BABY NOTES:
I haven't actually studied every baby ever, but I'm ready to declare our new son Sullivan the single gasiest baby ever. It seems he's always farting. Much more than Jude did (we had to bribe those farts to make an appearance). He's still cute though.
DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE:
Because I promised it, and because you don't give a damn, here it is!
ABC-1
ESPN2-24
FSC-20
Direct Kick-64
So that's 64 games for $79, or $1.23 per game. We are entering the final weekend of the MLS season, and there are some big games on the plate. DC United, Club Deportivo Chivas USA, New England Revolution, Houston Dynamo, New York Red Bulls, and FC Dallas have already qualified. Toronto FC and Real Salt Lake are already out. The final two playoff spots are up for grabs and will be decided by Sunday afternoon. Chicago Fire, Kansas City Wizards, Columbus Crew, Colorado Rapids, and Los Angeles Galaxy are going for them.
It's gonna be good. Four games on the DVR Saturday. Playoffs start next Thursday. DC United have already clinched the Supporter's Shield as the overall points champion this season. First team to do it two years in a row. They've also clinched home field advantage, which is huge. After that first playoff game on the road, they'll be home the rest of the way as long as they are in it, with MLS Cup 2007 being at RFK.
San Jose Earthquakes will be coming back to MLS in 2008, and it looks like Seattle will have a club in 2009. Also seems like Portland and St. Louis are closer to getting into MLS.
Great time to be a fan of Major League Soccer. Potential is there for the best playoffs ever!
Be Seeing You.
Oh, Thank Heaven! Seven-Eleven!
WHAT I'M LISTENING TO: A lot of the Wiggles smash CD hit "Wiggly Wiggly World", with an emphasis on the songs "Another Cuppa" and "Six Months on a Leaky Boat". The first being my son's favorite, and the last being my favorite. Yep, I got me a favorite Wiggles tune.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: MLS as the season is winding down into the final weekend. Also, keeping up with my reality shows "The Contender" and "The Ultimate Fighter 6". On the side, a heapin' helpin' of some Noam Chomsky. Plus, I finished those pesky Jeff Awards (I'll post the link elsewhere).
WHAT I'M READING: Thanks to an impatient three year old and the impending closing of the library, I quickly grabbed some books from the classic section. Right now, I'm on "The Plague" by Albert Camus. Pretty good, considering I grabbed and ran for the checkout.
WELL faithful readers (yes, the plural is completely optimistic), major things have prevented me from blogging recently. Let me break it down for you, Dung! style.
It all began a long time ago on a day the calendar likes to call Thursday October 11, 2007. I had literally just finished cooking dinner and was preparing to spoon it lovingly on a plate for my beautiful bride, I heard those three little words every man longs to hear from his sexy wife: "My water broke!"
She stood up, with Niagara Falls between her pregger legs flowing onto our carpet. Number One Son Jude immediately pointed and yelled out "She can drip on the carpet, but I can't color with my crayons on your oh-so-precious carpet, Father?!?"
Okay, that may or may-not have happened. But the water breaking did. Now, my wife is due on November 1st, and we already scheduled the c-section for October 26th, so when she called out my response was "No it didn't!"
But it did. The evidence was too overwhelming. Even the O.J. jury would convict based on it (how's that for most dated reference of any blog this year). So we gathered our things and rushed the lovely wife to the hospital. This was around 7 in the p.m. I had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, the baby was coming early.
People with actual medical degrees and stuff confirmed this around 9 pm when they said "We gonna pull that little bugger out ya." I called my mother, who was asleep (although to be fair, she was asleep by seven) and needed to remind her that we had Jude with us, and most likely the doctors would not allow a three year old into the surgery room to watch Mommy get gutted. So they came and took the boy for the night. I called the wife's family up in Michigan. They live an hour away in good weather, and being this is nearly mid-October the snow was surely falling. They outfitted me with some scrubs and a mask that wouldn't stay because the cheap-ass string kept breaking. Then I was hustled into a room just in time to see them tossing my numb-ass wife around like a rag doll (she got the spinal block so as to not feel the pain of being cut open-wussy!). I huddled up close to my pretty girl, mostly to talk to her during the surgery, but also to avoid seeing what her insides look like. At 10:21 in the p.m. they pulled our little son's legs out. At 10:21 and fifteen seconds in the p.m., he pulled the legs back into his mother's warm womb. "It's cold out there, ya stupid bastards!" he shouted.
Okay, that might not be 100% accurate. So they pulled out the boy, and much like his brother Jude before him, the boy entered this world urinating everywhere. After some cleaning, testing, and checking, I was allowed to hold my newborn son.
World, say hello to Sullivan David (last name withheld at baby's request)!
Baby was seven pounds and eleven ounces (hence that clever title) and 20.5 inches long. That made him four ounces and 1/2 and inch bigger than Jude. A beautiful head of hair. A beautiful baby.
So now our two boys are alive and well, and at home.
THE FUTURE. Quit reading now, honey. Okay, for the rest of you (I know, optimistic on my part that I have readers) I have already mapped out one exciting career path for my boys. When they are of age, I shall take them to Mexico where they shall don masks and compete in the lucha libre circuit (that's pro wrestling south of the border) under the names "El Hijo del Manaconda" and "El Hermano del El Hijo del Manaconda". The glory shall be great!
Okay, my lovely wife absolutely hates that idea. So it won't happen. But a man's gotta have a dream (especially when you doze off watching Fox Sports Espanyol and wake up to Mexican wrestling at one in the morning).
THE DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE! will return in the next blog. See, I can't update my records without it spoiling the result of last night's game, so I have to watch the game first.
Be Seeing You.
WHAT I'M WATCHING: MLS as the season is winding down into the final weekend. Also, keeping up with my reality shows "The Contender" and "The Ultimate Fighter 6". On the side, a heapin' helpin' of some Noam Chomsky. Plus, I finished those pesky Jeff Awards (I'll post the link elsewhere).
WHAT I'M READING: Thanks to an impatient three year old and the impending closing of the library, I quickly grabbed some books from the classic section. Right now, I'm on "The Plague" by Albert Camus. Pretty good, considering I grabbed and ran for the checkout.
WELL faithful readers (yes, the plural is completely optimistic), major things have prevented me from blogging recently. Let me break it down for you, Dung! style.
It all began a long time ago on a day the calendar likes to call Thursday October 11, 2007. I had literally just finished cooking dinner and was preparing to spoon it lovingly on a plate for my beautiful bride, I heard those three little words every man longs to hear from his sexy wife: "My water broke!"
She stood up, with Niagara Falls between her pregger legs flowing onto our carpet. Number One Son Jude immediately pointed and yelled out "She can drip on the carpet, but I can't color with my crayons on your oh-so-precious carpet, Father?!?"
Okay, that may or may-not have happened. But the water breaking did. Now, my wife is due on November 1st, and we already scheduled the c-section for October 26th, so when she called out my response was "No it didn't!"
But it did. The evidence was too overwhelming. Even the O.J. jury would convict based on it (how's that for most dated reference of any blog this year). So we gathered our things and rushed the lovely wife to the hospital. This was around 7 in the p.m. I had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, the baby was coming early.
People with actual medical degrees and stuff confirmed this around 9 pm when they said "We gonna pull that little bugger out ya." I called my mother, who was asleep (although to be fair, she was asleep by seven) and needed to remind her that we had Jude with us, and most likely the doctors would not allow a three year old into the surgery room to watch Mommy get gutted. So they came and took the boy for the night. I called the wife's family up in Michigan. They live an hour away in good weather, and being this is nearly mid-October the snow was surely falling. They outfitted me with some scrubs and a mask that wouldn't stay because the cheap-ass string kept breaking. Then I was hustled into a room just in time to see them tossing my numb-ass wife around like a rag doll (she got the spinal block so as to not feel the pain of being cut open-wussy!). I huddled up close to my pretty girl, mostly to talk to her during the surgery, but also to avoid seeing what her insides look like. At 10:21 in the p.m. they pulled our little son's legs out. At 10:21 and fifteen seconds in the p.m., he pulled the legs back into his mother's warm womb. "It's cold out there, ya stupid bastards!" he shouted.
Okay, that might not be 100% accurate. So they pulled out the boy, and much like his brother Jude before him, the boy entered this world urinating everywhere. After some cleaning, testing, and checking, I was allowed to hold my newborn son.
World, say hello to Sullivan David (last name withheld at baby's request)!
Baby was seven pounds and eleven ounces (hence that clever title) and 20.5 inches long. That made him four ounces and 1/2 and inch bigger than Jude. A beautiful head of hair. A beautiful baby.
So now our two boys are alive and well, and at home.
THE FUTURE. Quit reading now, honey. Okay, for the rest of you (I know, optimistic on my part that I have readers) I have already mapped out one exciting career path for my boys. When they are of age, I shall take them to Mexico where they shall don masks and compete in the lucha libre circuit (that's pro wrestling south of the border) under the names "El Hijo del Manaconda" and "El Hermano del El Hijo del Manaconda". The glory shall be great!
Okay, my lovely wife absolutely hates that idea. So it won't happen. But a man's gotta have a dream (especially when you doze off watching Fox Sports Espanyol and wake up to Mexican wrestling at one in the morning).
THE DIRECT KICK CHALLENGE! will return in the next blog. See, I can't update my records without it spoiling the result of last night's game, so I have to watch the game first.
Be Seeing You.
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